363 days of the year we do everything in our DVR's power to avoid commercials like they're the broccoli in a General Tso's dinner special. But for Super Bowl Sunday and the day after, we go consumer crazy and scrutinize these 30-second productions like we won't be totally sick of them by the end of the week. These 10 were a waste of a collective $27 million.
1. SalesGenie.com, "Racist pandas"
Carlos Mencia's "accents" commercial was kind of funny, but this one was just unbelievable. How did that shitty idea make it all the way from the drawing board to the TV? Either way, I'm glad they ended up spending millions of dollars showing everyone that they're a company full of complete idiots.
2. GoDaddy.com, "Please go to our web site"
GoDaddy has done some great commercials in the past, but I'm not about to watch a commercial for a different commercial I have to go out of my way to see. OK, I'm lying and I did go watch it, but I was still disappointed.
3. Dell, "Give to charity or something"
It seems that Dell could've just taken the millions of dollars getting this boring ass commercial on during the super bowl and given it to their charity. It would've helped a lot of people and saved a minute (two, now that I've watched it twice) of my life.
4. Pepsi, "Night at the Roxbury is still relevant, right?"
It's no, "You Got the Right One, Baby," that's for sure.
5. Doritos, "Some chick sings a crappy song"
I'm all about new artists getting a chance to get their break, but I prefer when they aren't terrible and boring. That song by Kina Grannis was about as interesting as listening to paint dry on the outside of my own coffin.
6. Jeep, Dodge and Chrysler, "Shut up, stupid kid"
Hey kid, no one cares what you would do if you had a car company because you don't even have a fucking driver's license.
7. Sobe, "Boring dancing lizard"
Watching people dance is boring enough. Watching a bunch of computer-animated lizards dance is just shy of watching the dancing baby episode of "Ally McBeal" on the lameness scale.
8. Coke, "Old political guys get kind of gay"
I guess the old guys need commercials aimed at them, too. To me, this thing was just like watching a 30-second long version of
The Bucket List with James Carville, Bill Frist and lots more homoerotic undertones.
9. Amp "Nipple clamps, yawn"
Janet Jackson's nipple was a big deal at the Super Bowl a few years ago, but Amp's nipple clamp commercial didn't make more than a whimper. We appreciate the dancing fat guy formula, it's just getting a little old.
10. E*Trade "Shut up stupid baby"
My 401(k) has been getting pounded worse than the Patriots' offensive line and now I have some stupid baby telling me how much money he's making. I don't need that and neither do you.