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2008 Summer Movie Preview	ENTERTAINMENT
When other people are on the beach meeting girls and doing irreparable harm to their future political careers, where will you be? That's right, at the movies watching this year's crop of blockbusters. Here's our official field guide.

Beyoncé Knowles

Takes one to Knowles one.

Lena Headey

She'll terminate your productivity today.

A blonde woman is terribly overweight…

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MUST-SEE || BIG MAYBES || NO WAY

BIG MAYBES

The Incredible Hulk
Release Date: June 13
Hell, Yeah: Even though we're probably among the minority who don't consider Ang Lee's Hulk an unmitigated disaster, we're grateful for some more action along with our gamma irradiation. Giving Hulk a villain that's up to his "smash" level (the Abomination, played by Tim Roth and CGI. But mostly CGI) is a no-brainer move, and Ed Norton is a more convincingly meek Bruce Banner than the generally badass Eric Bana. And rumors of an Iron Man tie-in scene that lays the groundwork for a possible Avengers movie is geek goodness for all.
Oh, No: Want to know why this is a "reboot" rather than a sequel? Because there's nowhere to go after "Bruce Banner gets hit with radiation, becomes the Hulk." The problem is the Hulk itself. No matter who's writing the script, it still all boils down to a monosyllabic beast that punches things. He's tragic, but not the kind of character you're dying to follow on continuing adventures. There's really not much you can do with it. Plus, director Louis Leterrier is known for the Transporter movies. So there's that.
Verdict: In a summer that already boasts two comic book adaptations with enormous potential, Big Green may be the odd hero out. No matter how they slice it, we can only muster a "meh."

You Don't Mess With the Zohan
Release Date: June 6
Hell, Yeah: We've been itching for a Mossad-themed comedy since Munich. And Adam Sandler, hoping to get back to being funny, has wisely hooked up with not only Robert Smigel, but also comedy Midas Judd Apatow (because, apparently, it's the law). He's also even wisely-er hooked up with Entourage hottie Emmanuelle Chriqui. All signs point to this being a winner, unless something goes horribly wrong and it takes a turn for the Rob Schneider.
Oh, No: Hold up…is that? Yes, that is Rob Schneider. And, yes, he's made-up to play yet another ethnicity with all the subtlety of a Bugs Bunny cartoon (his "yellow face" in I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry will go down in infamy between the two people who bothered to see it). Come to think of it, Sandler and accents in general tend to spell doom. Let's hope Schneider eats the business end of an Uzi early on.
Verdict: We're tiptoeing around this potential land mine. Middle Eastern people can be touchy these days, so the only way for this not to inspire popcorn bucket bombs is for it to be funny. Funny trumps jihad. We hope.

The Happening
Release Date: June 13
Hell, Yeah: Call us saps, but we're suckers for movies that depict mankind getting wiped out by mysterious forces, whether it's a virus, chemical warfare, or Aqua Dots. The Happening is your typical "small band of survivors on the run" setup, with Mark Wahlberg leading the way. We know the mystery at the heart of this chiller won't be typical, either, because the director is none other than M. Night Shyamalan.
Oh, No: The director is none other than M. Night Shyamalan. Lady in the Water wasn't just the worst film he's ever made, it's one of the worst films ever made by man period.
Verdict: There's a lot going on this summer, and we have a feeling Shyamalan is going to drop to the bottom of our to-do list. In fact, we're sure of it (because we wrote it up just now).

Get Smart
Release Date: June 20
Hell, Yeah: We've long since stopped shaking our fists at Hollywood for making old TV shows into movies. It's going to happen over and over again. Just deal with it. Instead, let's just focus on the rare times—like, say, now—when they at least cast the thing well. Steve Carell is, let's face it, a pretty good Don Adams fill-in. The trailer is surprisingly funny (except for the forced "miss it by that much" gag), and the show's not so beloved that fan boys are going to be crying about every little change to the "mythos."
Oh, No: Speaking of "missed it by that much," director Peter Segal's résumé is filled with movies that are kinda funny, but by no means gut-busting or even that memorable: Anger Management, Nutty Professor II, 50 First Dates. He's not a knock-it-out-of-the-park kind of guy.
Verdict: Amidst all the explosions and CGI this summer, you need a good laugh or two. The only problem is, we think there are better, more reliable candidates in that department. But, hey, Get Smart looks like a solid DVD night anyway.

Hancock
Release Date: July 2
Hell, Yeah: Promising to be a better superhero spoof than Superhero Movie, Hancock considers what would happen if a superhero fell out of favor with the public and needed to hire some PR help. Then it considers what would happen if he started nailing the PR rep's wife. It's a funny concept, and a love triangle between Will Smith, Jason Bateman, and Charlize Theron is just weird enough to work. Director Peter Berg can also be trusted to deliver the goods.
Oh, No: Is this just a gender-switched My Super Ex-Girlfriend? If so, we can pretty much see all the jokes from the parking lot. And although the idea of a superhero with a personal life is kind of funny on paper, will we be spending the movie wishing for some kind of supervillain showdown?
Verdict: The cast wins us over, but we hope Hancock doesn't give us a superhero hangover too early in the summer.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Release Date: July 11
Hell, Yeah: The first Hellboy movie might not have been a world-beater, but go rent it and check it out yourself (we'll wait). See? It's not as bad as you've been told. Now that the whole "getting to know you" stuff has been dealt with, Guillermo Del Toro can cut loose with all sorts of monsters, demons, and wisecracks, which in turn allows us to cut loose with snacks, soda, and a healthy disregard for sunlight. This is the kind of fantasy film that will hold our interest.
Oh, No: Or will it? Words like "elf prince" and "troll market" give us the cringe-inducing image of HBII being the product of a Harry Potter film forced to mate with a comic book (ha, just kidding, we know they're both virgins). Maybe upping the ante will drown out what's cool about Hellboy with what's lame about fantasy films.
Verdict: Del Toro is a consistent director who's able to spin quality, whether it's Pan's Labyrinth or Blade II. He loves Hellboy, and his enthusiasm is infectious. But if we're getting low on summer movie funds, this one might get DVD'd.

Step Brothers
Release Date: July 25
Hell, Yeah: Remember when John C. Reilly did things like Boogie Nights and Gangs of New York? Well, forget it, because now he's Will Ferrell's doofus comedy partner in crime, and we couldn't be happier. We don't even care what the setup is—rival stepbrothers? Sure. Whatever. We're there.
Oh, No: Semi-Pro was the first real chink in the Ferrell armor. We know that Reilly plays the sweet-natured moron so well it has forced Ferrell to keep going back to the loudmouthed buffoon well time and time again, but we'd like to see something else from Ferrell's arsenal. C'mon, Will, we know you have it in you.
Verdict: We're not expecting greatness, but this could be the sleeper comedy we end up quoting well into autumn.

Eagle Eye
Release Date: August 8
Hell, Yeah: A paranoid political thriller in the vein of Enemy of the State and The Bourne Identity? Sounds good to us. It's got Shia LaBeouf (better learn to spell his name, he's not going anywhere) as the haggard hero, Billy Bob Thornton as the steely eyed heavy (nice), and über-hotties Michelle Monaghan and Rosario Dawson upping the temperature at every turn. You probably haven't heard much about this, but it sounds like it could be a blast.
Oh, No: Without Autobots or Indiana Jones by his side, can Shia alone convince us to tag along on his adventures? And since this movie involves identical twins, government conspiracies, and terrorism all wrapped up in a on-the-lam road movie, will it crack under the weight of its own plot?
Verdict: We're intrigued, and Eagle Eye is lucky it's coming out in August, when the level of competition drops off dramatically.

MUST-SEE || BIG MAYBES || NO WAY

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[12/2/2008]