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5 Most Fattening Apples

It's apple-picking season. Great, right? Sure, if you want to be explosively obese! Never mind all those stories about the most fattening fast food burgers and burritos: meet the shiny, red and green monsters responsible for America's crippling fat epidemic!


Calorie count: 70
Equivalent of: 2 inches of a 6" Veggie Delight sandwich from Subway
You won't have much room on your lap for your Mac Airbook laptop if you swallow these sinister stomach stretchers.

Calorie count: 74
Equivalent of: 3 sips of a regular size Oreo Sonic Blast
Gobble these gut growers and the fatty won’t fall far from the tree. And have a heart attack!

Granny Smith
Calorie count: 80

Equivalent of: 1 and 3/4 chicken McNuggets

Give one of these middle magnifiers to your teacher—if you want your teacher to suffer from chronic obesity!

Golden Delicious
Calorie count: 82
Equivalent of: One Domino's buffalo wing
An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but at 82 calories, these belly busters will keep sexual partners away as well!

Red Delicious
Calorie count: 90
Equivalent of: 1/8th of a Big Mac
This is what we're serving in America's lunchrooms? Our children will be drowning in surplus chins!