10. Libraries (2.4 percent of the vote)
Back when they invented books in the early '90s or whatever, Al Gore invented places to put them all that revolutionized the way we find and share information. They were like the Internet, only people in them were always telling you to shut up. But now we actually have an Internet, and no one ever shuts up, ever.
Suggested reuse: Google server rooms
9. Museums (2.4 percent)
Since it turns out dinosaurs never existed, we're not sure there was ever a need for these glorified souvenir boxes, unless you're trying to permanently misplace one of your children on a class trip. Every planet, sculpture, or petrified caveman dropping you'd ever want to see now occupies a key chain drive worth of space on Wikipedia.org.
Suggested reuse: Book crematoriums
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Top Write-In Votes |
Fat people
The White House
Rosie O'Donnell's underwear
Homes
This Web site
Borders
The moon
Union halls
Handicap parking
Orphanages |
8. Voting Booths (3.6 percent)
Where else in our society do you routinely go to so much trouble just to be disappointed as in our nation's most overrated job interview? If all voting was this lame, Jordin Sparks wouldn't be playing the Ronkonkoma Shopping Center's food court this Friday at 3 P.M.. (Tell your friends!)
Suggested reuse: Gas chambers for the elderly (since they're the only ones who vote)
7. Men's/Women's Colleges (3.8 percent)
Remember all the things you loved about college? The pants... The dudes... The pants full of dudes... How the hell can you educate students about the world if you ignore half its population? Monogender colleges make as much sense as left-boob-only strip clubs.
Suggested reuse: Fat farms
6. Christmas Tree Farms (7.0 percent)
Each year, Americans buy 30 million trees grown on half a million acres of land over six to 10 years to display them in their living rooms for two frigging weeks. You really want to curb global warming? Let Tom Cruise finish converting the world to Scientology.
Suggested reuse: Forests