Celebrity Bands Must Die
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ENTERTAINMENT
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When the average person with no musical ability feels a song coming on, they get drunk and do karaoke. When the same thing happens to the average celebrity with no musical talent, they start a band.
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 Jada Pinkett Smith—Wicked Wisdom
This one is so perplexing it’s almost too complicated to comprehend. Jada Pinkett Smith is in a Nu-metal band? She grew up in inner-city Baltimore and was friends with Tupac for Christ's sake! What could Jada possibly bring to Nu-metal? Isn’t that genre reserved exclusively for middle-class suburban white teenagers whose angst comes from not having the car on the weekend?
Russell Crowe—The Ordinary Fear of God
Instead of telling you that this is, quite possibly, the worst music ever created, we'll just give you a fun fact: In 2005, Crowe changed the band’s name from 30 Odd Foot of Grunts to the Ordinary Fear of God. He kept the same acronym (TOFOG) to save him the cost of remaking the band’s monogrammed merch!
Billy Bob Thornton—The Billy Bob Thornton Band
Thornton suffers from a rare disorder that makes him terribly afraid of antique furniture, but it's a shame that he isn’t afraid of making bad Tom Waits–ish raspy “Leave me alone, honey, I been drinkin' hard” kind of music.
Taryn Manning—Boomkat
Because major labels like DreamWorks are as in touch with music as the Pope (the dead ones, not the living one), they’re willing to sign bands like Boomkat, who dutifully release albums of boring electro pap. Like another band that features actors, Boomkat is treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry… And not in a good way.
Adrian Grenier—The Honey Brothers
Here’s a simple analogy: Entourage’s Adrian Grenier is a calf-high black sock and his hippy acousti-folk band, the Honey Brothers, is a sandal. This is the kind of band that will embarrass you in front of every girl you've ever liked.
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