Any sort of giveaway
Tote bags, umbrellas, key chains… Are any of these worth getting to the stadium two hours early? Do yourself a favor and hit up eBay if you really need that bobblehead doll of your team's backup middle infielder.

Trivia on the Jumbotron
Note to everyone sitting around us: The giant scoreboard can't hear you and we're not impressed that you knew the correct number of fans at tonight's game. So stop yelling.

Fireworks Night
Let's see…stay in your uncomfortable seat after a four-hour snoozefest to see some pretty sparklers or beat the traffic out of the lot? We know which one we're picking.

The T-shirt launch
The cornerstone of any good crowd frenzy are the geniuses in the upper deck who must think the T-shirt cannon was designed by Lockheed Martin. If you want a free shirt at the ballpark, do it the right way and sign up for a credit card using a fake social security number.

Getting a foul ball from the ball girl
The ball girl picks up a foul grounder, places it in some douche's glove, and he turns to the crowd triumphantly. Way to go, big guy! Can't believe you didn't pull a hammie on that one!