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Look—I love you, Joystiq. Really. You're smart, you're entertaining, and sometimes, after seven or eight beers, you're kinda hot. But, in the mighty words of Martin's Shanaenae: Oh no you diiint.
Arriving on our entertainment editor's unsuspecting desk was this: Wii for Dummies. Clad in the now world-famous black and yellow design template, the book covers all of the basics of unboxing, hooking up, and playing Nintendo's popular console.
The thing is, well, there's already a book for Wii owners: the instruction manual. If you've got $21.99 to withhold throwing into a fireplace, you can find out how to create a Mii character, look at photos, use the Internet, and two pages—I shit you not—on how to point your Wii controller at your TV. To think that they cleared forests somewhere to make this book has us almost caring about the environment!
The more puzzling thing is that the console is a popular staple among the five-year-old crowd (yes, we said it, live with it), so a book geared toward humans with intelligence below that threshold leaves us facepalmingly stupefied. Case in point, an excerpt from page 207 that points out how to play Wii Baseball:
"For the pitcher, the goal is to strike out the batter by throwing the ball over the plate in a way that's hard to hit. For the batter, the goal is to hit the ball, putting it in play in fair territory (inside the angled white lines) so that it lands safely in the outfield (the grassy area) without getting caught in mid-air. This is a base hit, which puts a runner on base."
No child left behind, indeed. |
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We were invited over to the NBA 2K9 launch event in NYC and bumped into some new and old faces of the NBA. Rajon Rondo, of the world champion Boston Celtics, serenaded us with his pre-game rituals and money advice, the 76ers' Andre Iguodala clued us into his favorite team to play with, and Danilo Gallinari...well, he told us words too. (What exactly we're still looking to.) Also in attendance was cover athlete Kevin Garnett and the Olympic gold medal phenom Usain Bolt. |
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"I think grandma's hit her end-life crisis."
Think you can do better? Well, then we dare you to prove it. Leave your cleverest, awesomest caption in our comments section below or hit our Beat This Caption page for our totally official submission form and rules. The winner gets this:
Grand Prize: a Nintendo DS Lite, a copy of N+ and some N+ swag
Runner up: a copy of N+ and some N+ swag
Make sure you're still over 18 years old before entering. Contest is only open to U.S. residents. The winner will be announced the week of October 13! |
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Every year for the past 15 years, EA Sports has released a game with "NBA Live" somewhere in the title. And every year, there's been one lonely team back, back, back, back holding down the position of the worst team that year. With the release of the new Dynamic DNA feature, it'll be a more fluid position—players will automatically be rated every day with how well they are performing in the league. Which got us thinking: Who's been the worst of the worst over the past decade and a half? Who's been rated the worst in the game and then delivered on their expected mediocrity? Take a look:
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If you've been living under a rock since March, Grand Theft Auto IV and it's immigrant protagonist have taken online gaming by storm, consistently being in the top three games played on Xbox Live, according to Rockstar's Jeronimo Barrera. In an exclusive talk, the VP of product development gave us the lowdown on what it takes to put together an online game experience different from all of the Halos and Call of Dutys in the world, and talked about the upcoming GTA IV Xbox Live Weekend (read: super-mega-prize-giveaways!).
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