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  • Dick Vitale: HOF You

    First, there was George Mikan.

     

    Then came Wilt Chamberlain.

     

    Later on, there were guys like Julius Erving and Larry Bird.

     

    Now, in the very near future, they’ll all be joined by this guy:

     

     

    If you need us, we’ll be drowning our sorrows at Hooters.

     

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  • At Least Dick’s Not Wearing the Orange Shorts

    hooters_ad.jpgAt last we arrive to what should be the NCAA’s final arbitrary idiocy of this year’s tournament. Check out this ad from Hooters below. By any reasonable advertising standards, it’s pretty tame. Granted, there’s a great smile, shiny skin and a sexy grip on that basketball—and the girl is pretty hot, too—but there’s nothing in this picture any worse than the short shorts and bikini tops dance teams and cheerleaders are wearing in the Final Four. The NCAA, however, has deemed it inappropriate, and banned it from the official Tournament Program. Said Hooters VP Mike McNeil:

    “My understanding is the NCAA had stated they would only consider the ad if we removed the image of a Hooters Girl, which is absurd. That would be like telling General Motors you can advertise but don't show a picture of a car…Sara is a beautiful, intelligent and hard working employee, and we would never consider removing her image from the ad. I am concerned by this last-minute and seemingly arbitrary treatment. The basketball tournament is an important time for our business, and the fact that certain competitors of ours are allowed to advertise and we are not puts us at a competitive disadvantage.”

    You mean people don't go to Hooters for the loud, bald, aging jerkoffs? Huh...

    PS: Sara's last name is Hoots…seriously.

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  • Thank God Dick Vitale's Not a Gynecologist

    vitale_doctor.jpgIf there’s one thing that the average college basketball fan and the hearing impaired can agree on, it’s that Dicky V needs to shut his trap already. But at least we only have to put up with the ESPN analyst's incessant wailing during college hoops season. Imagine what we’d have to hear if he chose another profession?

     

    Surgeon:

    “IT LOOKS LIKE WE’LL HAVE TO AMPUTATE, BABY!”

     

    Airline Security:

    “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO SEARCH YOU BABY! UNBUCKLE YOUR BELT AND GET READY FOR A PTP! A PRIME TIME PROBING!”

     

    Librarian:

    “QUIET PLEASE, BABY!”

     

    Sailor:

    “ALL SEAMEN TO THE POOP DECK! IT’S GONNA BE AWESOME, BABY!”

     

    Newscaster:

    “TONIGHT AT 11, THREE DEAD IN FATAL CAR CRASH, BABY!”

     

    Quiet voiceover guy at the end of commercials:

    “IF YOU SUFFER FROM AN ERECTION LASTING MORE THAN FOUR HOURS, YOU BETTER CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR, BABY!”

     

    OB/GYN:

    “ACCORDING TO YOUR CHART, IT’S TIME FOR A PAP SMEAR, BABY!”

     

    Funeral Director:

    “SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, BABY!”

     

    The Terminator:

    “HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!”

     

    Priest:

    “I KNOW ONE THING, THAT YOUNG MAN IS A DIAPER DANDY!”

    See More Here >>


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[1/7/2009]