Peroni
Lager • Italy
This robust Roman makes us want to put on a track suit and play hide the salami!

Carlsberg
Pale Lager • Denmark
A fine, grassy brew with a tart finish.

Tennent’s of Scotland
Pale Lager • Scotland
Tastes like a Miller High Life with a brogue.

Löwenbräu Original
Lager • Germany
This sweet, tangy lager is well-suited to get you through long Bavarian nights.

Beck’s
Pilsner • Germany
Light, bold, and cures the thirsties fast.

St. Pauli Girl
Lager • Germany
Mild and malty with a clean finish and an über-hottie on the bottle.

Warsteiner Light
German Pilsner • Germany
A harsh start, chuggable finish.

Pilsner Urquell
Pilsner • Czech Republic
Refreshingly bitter.

Kirin Ichiban
Pale Lager • Japan
We’re happy to let this dry beer run kamikaze missions on our mouths any summer day.

Fischer Amber
Amber Ale • France
Leaves a sweet taste on the lips, much like our neighbor’s frisky French au pair.

Modelo Especial
Lager • Mexico
When habanero-infused carnitas are tearing your intestines apart, it’s best to drink a beer that’s light, uncomplicated, and goes down easy. Check, check, and check!

Tiger
Lager • Singapore
Clean and smooth, with a sugary finish. We like to pair it with spicy noodles and online Singaporean foot-binding porn.

Staropramen
Pilsner • Czech Republic
Peppery and great with late-night hot dogs. If it didn’t see us inhaling chili footlongs, it would have totally gone home with us.

Duvel
Pale Ale • Belgium
Citrus notes and surprisngly smooth despite its liver-loving 8.5 percent alcohol.

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Michelob Ultra
Pale Lager • St. Louis
Rainwater light, Mich Ultra is the perfect beer to drink during mid-August sweatfests, be it on a steamy golf course or in your YMCA sauna.

Heineken
Pale Lager • The Netherlands
Don’t let its uppity import rep spook you, Heini just want to hang, bro. It’s crisp bite will high-five you every time.

Miller Lite
Light Lager • Milwaukee
Sugary and clean, this Igloo-cooler soldier is like our mouth.

Michelob
Lager • St. Louis
A woody taste. This dry classic beer goes down easy, without any aftertaste.

Miller Genuine Draft
Pale Lager • Milwaukee
Light, with a touch of hops that triggers fond memories of high school parties. This is a good thing.

Bud Light (aluminum bottle)
Pale Lager • St. Louis
The King of Beer’s low-cal bro is our choice for drinking all night when dieting.

Amstel Light
Pale Lager • Amsterdam
This hoppy lager can be downed for hours.

Stella Artois
Pale Lager • Belgium
Think of this glass-smooth beer as a cute Euro gal you can drink with all night till you pass out and she steals your money belt.

Harp
Pale Lager • Ireland
Harp’s golden liquid is milder in taste than its cousins Guinness and Smithwick’s.

Michelob Light
Lager • St. Louis
Hints of caramel are a welcome bonus in this beer that runs right though you.

Blue Moon
Belgian Wheat • Toronto
We kind of hate wheat beers, but we love this one. Hints of Bazooka gum (no joke).

Miller High Life
Pale Lager • Milwaukee
The Champagne of Beers starts mild but ends crisp and sweet. Love that bottle.

Budweiser (aluminum bottle)
Pale Lager • St. Louis
The essential beer, with a snappy bite. 

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Back in the 1990s, Americans were evidently too stupid to realize that bitter beer tastes better, launching whole ad campaigns that mocked sufferers of bitter beer face. Once again, the Germans have come to our rescue.

Now those of you with a hankering for hops can carry them around in this custom Pocket Hops dispenser and add them to any beer to hop it up. Simply dole out the recommended dose, tap the concentrated powder into your favorite flavorless brew, and get wincing.

You can take it with you to keggers, stein hoists, bladder busts, the ballpark—anywhere that serves shitty beer. Or just take it with you to the post office and threaten an anthrax outbreak if they don’t open a second window. Like Vince from Shamwow says, “It’s made in Germany—you know the Germans always make good stuff.”

We tried it, and as promised, our beer became decidedly bitterer. Though, if we pay $25 dollars for three grams of white powder, this isn’t how we intend to get hopped up, just sayin’.

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Here’s how to turn some basic office supplies into the fastest beer fridge known to man.

Supplies
•    Compressed air duster (buy one filled with difluoroethane, a refrigerant)
•    Water bottle, with top wide enough to fit the air duster
•    Precision knife
•    Glue gun
•    Duct tape
•    Warm can of beer
•    Another water bottle to hold a beer can
•    Alcoholic impatience

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If you want to make your house more like a bar but are too cheap to shell out for the snazzy setup in the basement, give the Krups Beertender a look. Krups makes high-end, consumer-grade kitchen appliances, but now they're dabbling in the vice department. As the video above will tell you, the Beertender takes those Heineken mini-kegs, chills them, and puts them on tap. The result is a perfect pour and a handy conversation piece. It's a little pricey at the $400 mark, but it's a lot more interesting than most of the cell phones and iPod cases I've seen today. It'll be available in March, so you'll have to keep drinking from your can coozie until then.

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