I've been having a great time here in Vegas covering all the wacky stuff that happens around this show, but a lot of the other writers are kind of bummed out by the lack of new products announced this year. So I thought I would try and cheer up my fellow badge holders by showing them that even if there aren't that many new cell phones to write about, there's still an extremely remote chance a porn star will do you if you play your cards right. I guess it kind of makes sense that porn stars would be into nerdy guys when they're not shooting movies. I mean, sure those other guys probably have six-pack abs and the genitalia of a large zoo animal, but can they fix your computer when it starts freezing all the time? Yeah, didn't think so, Dirk. So watch the video, dorks, and keep hope. Because pity sex is just as good as any other kind.

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Also, note the dirty look I get at the end of the video from the PR guy. I don't think he wanted me scaring off granny from buying his crappy imported Wii accessories.

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Predictably, two of the biggest themes at this year's show is going green and alternative fuel sources. Of course all these useless plastic pieces of swag that will end up in the Nevada landfills before the week is out sort of defeats the whole purpose, but that's not my point. What's important is that I got a chance to eye-grope the sporty Tesla Roadster. It looks a little like a Ferrari, but with a 0-60 time at about 3.6 seconds, most Ferraris would have trouble keeping up with it. The beauty part is that it's all electric, so once you fork over the $92,000 asking price, you're off the hook at the pump. Of course you'll still have to pay for the electricity, but at least we're moving in the right direction. Not to mention that girls are way into environmentally conscious guys at the moment, so it might get you some action while the guy in his hummer goes home without any, well, hummers.

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Free meal count: 11

At the end of Day 3, my eyes are starting to get droopy and my legs feel like they've gotten about three inches shorter from all the pavement pounding they've been doing. But a steady supply of free shrimp and drinks have kept me sharp as a tack. I got lucky enough to make it into the exclusive Sony Online Entertainment party they threw at the Hard Rock to celebrate their new MMORPG (don't pretend you don't know what that means) Pirates of the Burning Sea. There was a poker tourney going on in which I didn't have the motivation to play, but I did enjoy the "pirate wenches" that were walking around. The milk shake bar and bouquets of desserts didn't hurt either.

The best part of the evening, though, was when a sloppy-looking game writer came running up to one of the PR people putting on the event and literally screamed, "Oh my God, it's pirate wenches! I knew there would be pirate wenches!" Then he got distracted by some piece of Star Wars swag another writer had from the announcement that Darth Vader and Yoda are going to be playable characters in the next Soul Calibur game. That guy seriously must have wandered out of the book of stereotypical game bloggers.

Clickity click on the link below for more random pictures of tonight's festivities.

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