Despite what the picture above would make you think, CES is definitely the winner. Click the link below to find out why, then call me all the bad names you can think of.

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I've been having a great time here in Vegas covering all the wacky stuff that happens around this show, but a lot of the other writers are kind of bummed out by the lack of new products announced this year. So I thought I would try and cheer up my fellow badge holders by showing them that even if there aren't that many new cell phones to write about, there's still an extremely remote chance a porn star will do you if you play your cards right. I guess it kind of makes sense that porn stars would be into nerdy guys when they're not shooting movies. I mean, sure those other guys probably have six-pack abs and the genitalia of a large zoo animal, but can they fix your computer when it starts freezing all the time? Yeah, didn't think so, Dirk. So watch the video, dorks, and keep hope. Because pity sex is just as good as any other kind.

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As you know from this morning's "Look how cool I am" post, I have a badge and wristband that gets me into the AVN porn convention. This afternoon I headed over there with a camera and half a box of condoms. The condoms weren't because I was expecting to get laid, but because I didn't want any part of my body touching anything in there without at least a thin layer of protection.

But since you've seen most of the girls that were there doing things that would make our sex bloggers blush, I decided to snap a few photos of the funny and kind of depressing stuff that was going on. But don't worry! You'll see the porn chicks in the video that'll be posted tomorrow.

Click the link below for the rest of the sad, erotic story...

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I couldn't, with good conscience, come to Vegas when a porn convention is in town and not at least stop by to see what's popping off (or out). It's still early and most of the porn stars are still waking up and wiping down, so I'm going to go look at some gadgets at CES. But later this afternoon I'll be porning it up. Or maybe I'll just sell my badge to some 36-year-old virgin here for CES. (Just kidding. Probably.)

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