PREDICTIONS THAT STILL HAVE A CHANCE

Wet, Hot American Summers
Movie/Year: Waterworld, Indeterminate Future
If Al Gore and Kevin Costner are to be believed, as soon as those polar ice caps finish melting we'll have an entire world economy based on dirt, Jet Skis, and machines that turn piss into drinking water. So we have that going for us, which is nice. You see, Waterworld failed at the box office not because it was crap, but because it was too ahead of its time.



Are You a Replican or a Replicant?
Movie/Year: Blade Runner, 2019
Somewhere out there, there's a tiny little man named Eldon Tyrell about to perfect the android to the point at which it can do more than just respond to music and amuse the Japanese—it can be a perfectly functional living being. Blade Runner warns us that the Nexus-6 models will prove tricky in a few years, but the upside ("pleasure models") is worth it.



They, Helpful
Movie/Year: I, Robot, 2035
Perhaps looking to succeed where Tyrell failed, a doctor named Alfred Lanning will invent the "Three Laws of Robotics," which should keep our walking vacuum cleaners in line in about 28 years. But don't take I, Robot too seriously—even a rogue robot can be taken down by the combined might of Will Smith and Shia LaBeouf. So how tough can they be?




Orgasmatrons!
Movie/Year: Sleeper, 2137
Woody Allen's Sleeper provides a vision of the future we can all get behind. A world in which bananas are the size of small cars, fatty foods and smoking are health-conscious life choices, and booth installations give you instant orgasms. We're going to bed now. Wake us in 130 years.



The Great Garbage Avalanche
Movie/Year: Idiocracy, 2505
All of these technological advancements will mean nothing by mid-millennium, however, when the world falls into the depths of Carl's Jr. hell, according to Idiocracy. We will all be a nation of simpleminded morons who wear logo clothing, eat crap, and watch nothing but the most base and intellectually void reality television. In other words, history is doomed to repeat itself, it seems.




Pick a Side
Movie/Year: The Time Machine, 802,701
By this point, The Time Machine tells us we'll all have evolved into hippie free-love Eloi or sewer-dwelling subhuman Morlocks. Life will be simple: One side will frolic in the fields all day, while the other will dig tunnels and occasionally emerge to eat a frolicker or two. Good times. Put down that soy milk, future Eloi.