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Chucky from Child's PlayWhy he sucks: Just because a doll becomes possessed by the soul of a ruthless serial killer doesn't mean he isn't just a crappy piece of plastic with hair plugs that look like Jeremy Piven's. The only way we could see him being scary at all is if he was manufactured in China. And even then he'd only be dangerous to little kids. How to beat his ass: Any method you've ever used to wreck your sister's dolls should work just fine with this little bastard. Try grilling him or running him over with your bike. Or, if you're kind of a wuss, you can just soccer kick the son of a bitch across the street or give him to some 5-year-old girl who will cut all of his hair off. The LeprechaunWhy he sucks: Lame one-liners, curly shoes, and an accent that can only loosely be considered Irish. This wee, little guy's wrinkly face is the only thing that made him any scarier than the guy on the Lucky Charms box. He didn't even have any clearly defined magic powers. He did, however, have a very shitty rap song at the end of one of his sequels. How to beat his ass: Don't let him get near any cheesy toys, like a pogo stick he might be able to kill you with. Then utilize your reach advantage to try and get him on the ground. He might be magic, but his Brazilian jujitsu needs some serious work. ClownsWhy they suck: Horror writers and moviemakers have been relying on people's aversion to Bozo and his buddies for far too long. Most clowns are just former music theater majors that need to supplement the income they don't make acting in community theater productions. In fact, the only advantages they have over regular people are that they know how to ride a unicycle and a bunch of them can fit into one car. How to beat their asses: Hand them a big, long balloon and they'll be overwhelmed by the urge to fold it into some crappy thing that amuses kids and irritates you to no end. While he's putting the finishing touches on his crappy inflated dog, punch him in the face. Just make sure to wear a glove so you don't get face paint and shame all over your hand. The break dancing zombies from ThrillerWhy they suck: Zombie enthusiasts were up in arms when new-school horror directors started making the undead run like crazy instead of lumbering laboriously like they did in the good old days. We can only imagine how they felt when they first saw Michael Jackson and his backup dancers wiggling around, making a mockery of one of horror's most beloved monsters.
How to beat their asses:While the zombies are in pretty good shape from all of the dancing, they're still dead. One good punch and what they have left of their internal organs is pounded into mush. That's if they don't kill themselves first trying to do the Soulja Boy dance.
