Pregaming at Denis Simachev Bar

Ah the Muscovites, they really know how to do things in style, don't they? At least that's what we'd learned some six hours into our stay. While we New York writers are accustomed to stealthily scooting out of the office at seven and booking it to the nearest dive, where we slug 2-for-1 PBRs and fill up on peanuts until the bartender throws us out, the Ruskies imbibe in a much more civilized and, by all accounts, sexy manner, opting for techno, leggy blonds and of course chilled Vodka as soon as the sun goes down.

Jet lagged but salivating for the full experience, not to mention a stiff drink, we had our hosts take us to local hotspot Denis Simachev Bar. Tucked away on a narrow side street and flanked by the most unaffordable boutiques in town, Simachev (thanks to its fashion designer owner's notoriety) has become the place for young, hip Muscovites to kick-start their evenings. Tables full of bottles and hookahs litter the heated front porch, while the interior glimmers with disco balls, gold-plated military equipment like AK-47s and MIG ejector seats and tiled walls of Japanese anime porn. Did we mention there were girls there? Cause the place is absolutely brimming with broads, who smile and sway to the techno pumping out of the speakers all while making you go weak in the knees (though that coulda been the bottle of Russian Standard Platinum we'd each swilled). Anyhoo, somewhere between the booze, porn and the roaming eye candy, we soon realized we were smack dab in the edgiest, coolest bar in town…and we hadn't even unpacked yet.

Backwards words, they're all the rage in Moscow town.	Ehhh, how does one say, "put this on Boris' tab" in Russian?

Despite our initial surprise at these glowing ladies' come hither smiles, turns out they were signaling to Ivan Drago, who was towering behind us.

One of the many private booths tucked in the bar. Our evening would only get a lot more private later that night, but we'll save that for a future post...	Bush and the rest of the world's leaders in jail -- what'll those zany Russians think of next?!

 
Girls in Moscow like to intimidate you with their hotness. It works.

Simachev's designer boutique is located above the bar. But get caught resting your drink on his pool table and he'll send you down to the dungeon.	Once we laid eyes on these cheeky, $400 Vladimir Putin T-shirts, we totally threw our Genghis Khan hoodies in the trash and upgraded.

 
We'd just like to point out the giant wall of hentai pornography next to the bar, in case you missed it. Feel free to take your time on this picture.