Remake These Movies, Too!
|
ENTERTAINMENT
|
|
With The Incredible Hulk rebooting a movie that's barely five years old, this is a great chance for Hollywood to repair some other recent mistakes.
|
|
|
Fantastic Four
Originally, Bring It On's Peyton Reed was tabbed as director, which sounds awful on paper. But the appropriately named Reed intended to make the movie a period piece, setting it in the 1960s. The FF's cornball family dynamic fits perfectly with that era, which would have given the movie a cool retro sci-fi feel. Instead, we got Jessica Alba in Pam Anderson drag and Dr. Doom as a slick corporate douche bag.
The Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions
They got off to such a good start! Looking back, the new filmmakers would realize that psychobabble and grunge-chic Zion were not the way to go. People liked the matrix of the Matrix—you know, the place where you get to wear black leather and shoot guns?—not the cave where you wear burlap clothes and rave. Streamline the indecipherable story and amp up the action. Sounds like a perfect fit for a Michael Bay or Tony Scott.
Gangs of New York
Marty Scorsese had the germ of a good movie, he just took it in the wrong direction. We don't give a Plug Ugly about Leonardo DiCaprio and Cameron Diaz. Instead, Scorsese should delve deeper into the obviously far meatier story of Bill the Butcher (Daniel Day-Lewis), Priest Vallon (Liam Neeson), and Monk McGinn (Brendan Gleeson). We guarantee it would be a vast improvement.
X-Men 3
Drop one of the eight subplots they tried to cram into the movie's hour and 40 minutes and focus on what Bryan Singer set up perfectly at the end of X2—Dark Phoenix. No cure, no 100 indistinguishable new mutants, no Brett Ratner. In the first movie, they fought evil mutants. In the second, they teamed up with evil mutants to fight humans. In the third, they fight one of their own. Neat. Simple. Better.
TITANIC
We want something akin to The Poseidon Adventure (but not Poseidon)—an epic disaster movie with no punches pulled. Instead, we get a half-assed Harlequin Romance novel on water. Cut back on the sap and give us more drowned screams and people being hit by falling pinochle tables. In fact, just take the last half of the original movie and expand that as much as you see fit.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Have you read the original Frank Darabont script (Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods) that's floating around the Internet? Yeah, just go back and make that one.
|
|
|
|
![](http://ad.doubleclick.net/ad/maxim.dart/entertainment;kw=entertainment;pgs=back;tile=3;sz=300x250;ord="+cachebreaker+"?)
|
|
|