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There was plenty of excitement yesterday with the pocket protector set about the shiny new handset to be squeezed from the loins of Apple. But all that hype has a lot of people wondering whether they should finally plunk down the cash for sweet touchscreen action. Don't worry though, below is a short checklist that will give you a definitive answer.


Give yourself one point for each item that applies to you:
  • You sat in front of one of the other gadget blogs, frantically refreshing their recounts of the announcement.

  • You refused to stop telling everyone around, out loud, what was going on even though they could've just gone and read it for themselves.

  • You have ever laughed at one of those PC vs. Mac ads.

  • You're willing to use a knife and fork to eat pizza just so you don't smudge up your new phone.

  • You're willing to pay $30 for data, which is more than it was for the old phone.

  • You understand that 3G will be faster, but will also provide shorter battery life.

  • You don't mind knowing that there will be another one that will be better, smaller and cheaper.

  • Your pants are so skinny that you have to rub cornstarch all over yourself just to get into them.

  • You honestly don't mind having your phone fixed at something called "The Genius Bar," which is possibly the douchiest name for anything, ever.

  • You have gone through more than 10 Motorolla RAZRs.

  • You loved the old iPhone but thought it was totally ridiculous that it didn't have GPS, Exchange compatibility and a headphone jack that would work with 99.99% of the headphones normal human beings already own.

  • You don't need to send picture messages or copy and paste.

  • You don't expect the camera to be any better. And you won't expect it to do video, so when you see a grizzly bear attacking a street performer, you're willing to settle for some crappy, low-res photos of it.

  • You have ever spent more than an hour arguing PCs vs. Macs on an internet messageboard.

  • You really like things with "i" in front of them.

  • You dropped your old iPhone in a public toilet.

  • You live in one of those other countries that's not the United States.

  • Your parents wouldn't buy you the Castle Greyskull toy when you were a kid so you are making up for it now with shiny gadgets and week-long benders.

  • You never got lost in the woods during Boy Scouts and lost your fingertips to frostbite.

  • You're a hipster

  • You want to have a reason for the iPod you already own to sit on your desk until the cat knocks it off one day and smashes it.

  • Seriously, the fucking Genius Bar?

  • You don't mind iTunes being in charge of all of your media.

  • You think it will get you chicks.

  • You don't have a greasy face.

  • You have a perfectly good phone, but can't sleep at night knowing some people have a shinier phone than you.


Now, tally up your points and consult the chart below for your results.

0-10: Unless you're using an old car phone from the 1980's then you're probably fine with your current phone. Save your money for some $4 gas and maybe even a burrito.

10-20: It's tempting, I know. It sure is shiny. This is the point where you have to think to yourself, "Am I going to have to hide how much I spent on this thing from my girlfriend?" If the answer is yes then skip it. No amount of touchscreen is going to seem worth it when you're sleeping alone on the couch.

20-26: There's nothing I can say or do to change your mind about this thing so you might as well just drag your sleeping bag and ironic beard over to the Apple store now and start camping out for the July 11th release.