Frankly, we can’t imagine a heaven without movies, but just in case God’s tastes lean more toward extended lyre jams than Bond marathons, you’d better grab your remote. Given the endless availability of films via rentals, Netflix, on-demand, and downloads, there’s no excuse for not watching movies 22 hours a day. But maybe you need a bit of guidance to the ones you can’t miss, in the form of a fearless, definitive list that doesn’t bother with musicals or Gone With the Wind but isn’t afraid to mix critic-approved cool like The Third Man with cult trash like The Warriors—and 298 other classics. Read on, and, for God’s sake, start watching.

Comedy & Buddy   ||   Action, War, & Westerns   ||   Rebels, Cops, & Criminals
Horror, Sci-Fi, Art House, & Mindbenders   ||   Classics, Nudity, & Train Wrecks

COMEDY

Monty Python and the Holy Grail
1975
Before saying, “I fart in your general direction,” in a French accent became a cliché, the merry British anarchists’ Arthurian satire was genuinely clever (debates over a swallow’s air-speed velocity), subversive (an exasperated God), and silly (killer rabbits). After all, 100 million movie quoters can’t be wrong.
Extra: Investors included Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin.

The Big Lebowski
1998
Nihilists. Cowboy philosophers. Obsessive bowling. This box office gutterball turned dorm room essential (if you’ve spent a single day in college over the past decade, you know every word) is so stuffed with compulsively quotable dialogue that you almost forget it’s also a virtuoso display of the Coen brothers’ editing and cinema­tography.
Line, please: “Hey, careful, there’s a beverage here!”

Kingpin
1996
All respect to Dumb & Dumber and There’s Something About Mary aficionados, but this gross-out opus about a one-handed bowler and his Amish apprentice is the Farrelly brothers’ funniest. How can you top Bill Murray’s gut-busting improv—or comb-over?
Line, please: “What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose, tiger.”

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
2004
Will Ferrell–philes can debate if it’s the SNL alum’s funniest —or simply weirdest—star vehicle, but this spoof of ’70s newscasters founded the foolproof formula of throwaway lines (“Milk was a bad choice,” “I’m in a glass case of emotion.”) and surreally silly situations (a Frat Pack cameo-studded news team gang fight!) that made him a modern comedy institution.
Line, please: “San Diego, of course, in German means ‘a whale’s vagina.’ ”

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
2006
You know a comedy scores when its absurdly popular character is retired rather than mess with perfection. This “doc” about an anti-Semitic, oddly lovable Kazakhstani journalist grossed $260 million, and twice as many gasps at its nude wrestling.
Line, please: “I want to buy a car with a pussy magnet.”

This Is Spinal Tap
1984
Before there was Guffman or The Office, Spinal Tap simultaneously ignited the mock-doc genre and set the bar unreachably high—to 11!
Extra: Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer were so convincing as clueless metalheads, even-more-clueless fans believed they were the real thing.

BUDDY MOVIES

The Last Detail
1973
The lucky alchemy of Robert Towne’s profane script, Hal Ashby’s art-house direction, and Jack Nicholson’s wild-eyed rebelliousness forge an underappreciated counterculture classic about three Navy men behaving badly.

Page 1: Comedy & Buddy | Page 2: Action, War, & Westerns | Page 3: Rebels, Cops, & Criminals
Page 4: Horror, Sci-Fi, Art House, & Mindbenders | Page 5: Classics, Nudity, & Train Wrecks