The 8 Least Covert Spies
|
ENTERTAINMENT
|
|
Get Smart's Maxwell Smart isn't the only spy who ignores the "blend in, disappear" technique in favor of overtly public displays of espionage.
|
|
|
8. James Bond (Dr. No, A View to a Kill, GoldenEye, et al)
Espionage is about becoming another identity so fully that you can slip in and out of any situation without raising an eyebrow. Bond barges into hot spots with all the subtlety of an "I'm With M16" T-shirt and a bullhorn.
7. Harry Tasker (True Lies)
Who in this ballroom could possibly be a spy? The mousy accountant from Switzerland? The chubby Saudi banker? How about the weight lifter stuffed in a rental tux with the explosives and overbearing tango technique? No one else can shoot eight guys, leave them sprawled on the host's lawn, and get away "clean."
6. Carmen and Juni Cortez (Spy Kids)
We all know you can't give kids toys that make any kind of noise because they'll beat on them endlessly until you're ready to personally reach in and remove your own eardrums. So what happens if you give them spy gadgets? Same thing: a cacophony of bad special effects that alert every bad guy within a 100-mile radius to their presence.
5. Alex Scott (I Spy)
If you're an international spy forced to partner with a loudmouthed amateur, you have even more reason to keep a low profile. Instead, Scott is content to treat spy work like a frat guy treats rush week. Staging phony kidnappings just for the hell of it is the best way to get your ass executed out back by some crafty ex-KGB.
4. Cody Banks (Agent Cody Banks)
A 15-year-old on a rocket-powered snowboard? It's like you're daring the world's evil masterminds to stop laughing long enough to come and invade us. If the CIA's only hope in any situation is Frankie Muniz's ability to get laid, things are far worse than even we realized.
3. Jason Bourne (The Bourne Identity, Supremacy, Ultimatum)
Pop Quiz: You're an ex-spy who the CIA is furiously trying to locate. You: A) Find a comfy Afghan cave to chill in for the next 50 years, B) Undergo surgery to transform yourself into a 400-pound Filipino woman, C) Chuck fellow agents out windows onto busy Parisian streets, engage in massive car chases, and beat up entire embassies.
2. Ethan Hunt (Mission: Impossible, II, III)
One thing the Bourne films get right is depicting how spies spend their downtime. They do mundane things like teach piano or stare at hotel room ceilings, awaiting the call to action. They don't rock climb or BASE jump, or generally act so "international man of mystery" that they'd stick out even on a mission to infiltrate a cell of irritating douche bags.
1. Xander Cage (XXX)
His whole reason for being is that he can slip into places traditional spies can't. So how's that cause helped by parasailing a giant U.S. flag through Prague? Or, say, snowboarding down an avalanche? Even the meathead baddies in XXX figured him out, and they don't know that hair extensions and trench coats haven't been cool since 1998.
|
|
|
|
![](http://ad.doubleclick.net/ad/maxim.dart/entertainment;kw=entertainment;pgs=back;tile=3;sz=300x250;ord="+cachebreaker+"?)
|
|
|