The Least Believable Movie Soldiers
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ENTERTAINMENT
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If you plan on going to war with these siss-cadets, you'd better watch your foxhole.
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Charlie Sheen in Navy SEALs
The star of Two and a Half Men as a member of the elite unit that undergoes 11 months of intense training to master counter-guerilla warfare? For more realism check out Hot Shots: Part Deux.
Defining moment: Sheen and company free up time in their busy schedule of blowing up terrorists and flirting with hot female journalists to play some golf. Seriously.
Matthew Broderick in Biloxi Blues
Granted, his character, a 20-year-old Brooklynite in basic training during WWII, was supposed to be a shnook. But if Hitler had any idea the U.S. military was made up of guys like this, he would have returned those cyanide capsules for a refund.
Defining moment: The high C-note he hit as that gay guy in The Producers.
Meg Ryan in Courage Under Fire
We swear we're not simply being sexist. It's just that this is Meg Ryan, the same little pixie who was America's undisputed sweetheart before her face started to melt.
Defining moment: Meg refuses to leave a comrade behind and gets killed by friendly fire. Sorry—we just spoiled the ending of this AND You've Got Mail.
Harry Connick Jr. in Independence Day
Actually, we agreed with this casting at the time: Three bars into "Bayou Maharajah," and the aliens should have been eating out of his ivory ticklers.
Defining moment: Naïve Harry is shot down after his tiny plane fails to destroy a spaceship powerful enough to incinerate the Empire State Building. Someone needs to take his skirt off.
Jon Bon Jovi in U-571
Gives mediocre World War II movies a bad name. Unfortunate fact: To get the flick's rating from R to PG-13, they had to delete a scene in which he gets decapitated. What happened to war being fair?
Defining moment: Posed as a Nazi in order to steal a valuable code-deciphering machine. The feathered hair under his spiked hat should have been a dead giveaway.
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