The Sexiest Everything 2008
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SEXY TIME
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Models, murder weapons, 200 mph Italian machines, and 56 other achingly hot people, places, and things.
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 Sexiest Blog
Confessions
of a College Callgirl is exactly what it sounds like: the diary of a
Manhattan college student who (purportedly) has dabbled in the world of
hookerdom. It’s also smart, funny, and self-deprecating. And the
(unnamed) call girl didn’t even charge for the time it took to answer
our questions. That must mean she really likes us!
Q: You write a sexy blog, but is your job actually sexy?
A:
Just like any random anonymous sex with strangers, sometimes it’s sexy
and sometimes it’s disappointing. I write more about the unsexy times,
because they’re funnier and more interesting. But I wouldn’t do it if I
wasn’t enjoying myself at least part of the time.
Q: Is there anything that turns you on anymore?
A:
I like sex to be a little bit dirty and unusual. Making sweet love on
satin sheets is never going to do it for me. Spank me, talk dirty, use
some toys, get creative! Some nice, witty banter with an intellectual
equal is the best foreplay, however.
Q:
I like sex to be a little bit dirty and unusual. Making sweet love on
satin sheets is never going to do it for me. Spank me, talk dirty, use
some toys, get creative! Some nice, witty banter with an intellectual
equal is the best foreplay, however.
A: A lot of people think
I’m a dude because they can’t imagine a woman being so into sex and not
ashamed of it. But all of it happened. I try to be really honest and
describe things exactly—and I do get turned on writing the sex scenes
in detail.
Sexiest Aphrodisiac
It’s a tie...
Green
M&M’s: Green-only bags are coming for Valentine’s Day. Green is the
universal color of horniness. Coat some milk chocolate with it and
you’re in business.
Viagra Oysters: Eyeing the Asian market,
Australian oyster farmer George May started tossing pulverized Viagra
pills into his oyster tanks. The little buggers absorb the blue boner
pills, creating the ultimate appetizer: Viagra Oysters. Genius. How did
we not think of this?
 Sexiest Passage from the Bible
From the Song of Solomon:
Your breasts are like gazelles,
twin deer among the lilies…
Your lips, my bride, drip honey;
Honey and milk are under your tongue…
I have undressed; why should I ever get dressed again.
Jesus Christ, that’s hot.
Bed Rock: Best CD for…
A one night stand: Cease to Begin, Band of Horses
Drunk sex: Fancy Footwork, Chromeo
Sex with your first cousin: The Wolf, Shooter Jennings
Backseat sex: Frank, Amy Winehouse
 Sexiest Scientific Discovery
Cheers
to the eggheads at the University of Lausanne, Switzerland. Researchers
have found a gene in cichlid fish informally called the Oral Sex Gene.
Males blessed with this gene develop fake eggs on their anal fins. The
female sees the fake eggs and swims in to try to “rescue” them. The
male fish then squirts his mini-me’s into the female’s mouth, where her
eggs are. No word on whether she spits or swallows.
 Sexiest Airline
When
it comes to in-flight flirtation, we prefer the female attendants on
Singapore Airlines. They embody the idyllic cabin goddess known as the
Singapore Girl—winged geishas tending to passengers’ every need while
clad in skintight sarong kebeyas. Any wonder that the company has
turned a profit for 30 straight years?
 Sexiest Bar
Step
into the Subway Inn on Manhattan’s ritzy Upper East Side and you can
smell the livers rotting. In the bathroom: a gnarly urinal. Is that
some guy’s toupee in there? Hard to tell. Welcome to New York’s
skankiest dive. Curiously, it’s also a beacon for beauties, a place
where “Come here often?” actually works.
 Sexiest Fire Extinguisher
When
your girlfriend asks why an oversize sex toy has pride of place on your
kitchen (or meth-lab) counter, it’s a good time to give her a tutorial
on fire safety. This fire extinguisher was meant to be seen. Its grip
and trigger are designed for easy operation with one hand.
Things That Are Supposed to Be Sexy But Aren't
Girls who are really into sports
Sex on the beach (both the drink and the activity)
Saxophones
Female cops
Tickling
A woman holding a whip
Two girls and a cup
Lap dances
Women riding horseback naked
Massage therapists
Real Sex on HBO
Cream pies
The poetry of Edna St. Vincent Millay
Hula dancers
Nipple rings
Matt Damon: Sexiest man alive? Please!
Sexiest Freak Fetishisms
All you dendrophiles (people
who engage in sexual activities with evergreen or deciduous trees),
check this oak out, man. You don’t grow bark like that if you don’t
want it.
We just don’t get sploshing,
the act of smearing food on another person during sex. Rather than
kicking back with a cigarette afterward, you gotta get up and do the
dishes.
Looners get
off on the sight of big, shiny, colorful balloons, preferably being
held by hot broads. If this picture gives you an erection,
congratulations—you have officially joined the club. You scare us.
Sexiest Sex
You’ll
need a ’66 Chevy Super Nova with reinforced struts, a warm starry
night, a secluded construction site, and the dream girl of your choice.
Call us if you have any questions.
 Sexiest Calendar
In
2006 two L.A.-based geeks pooled their life savings—about $30,000—and
created the 2007 Nerdcore calendar, featuring hot, semiclothed women
playing video games. The calendar turned a profit, which these geeks
spent on the 2008 version—Heroes/Villains—featuring hottie superheroes
peeling off their uniforms. “Nerdcore isn’t just tits,” says
25-year-old co-creator Jon Gibson. “It’s about exploiting all the great
things in pop culture.” Whatever, Poindexter—nudity doesn’t hurt.
The Sexiest...
Porn flick The first one you ever saw
Vacation spot Thailand
Drink order (woman) “Bourbon neat, with a Budweiser back.”
Place to live Marisa Miller’s house
Soap star Danica Stewart as Jessica Bennett on Passions
Foreign accent Israeli (it’s the new French)
Vibrator The Isis from Emotional Bliss
Novel Crash, by J.G. Ballard
Job Missionary
Video game girl Nariko from Heavenly Sword
Web TV show “Pants-off Dance-off” on Fuse
Hotel room The Penthouse at the Setai in Miami, $25K a night
Pizza topping Fried clams
Way to die Serial killer
Beer brand Any of the ones that advertise in this magazine
Font Courier
Constellation Vulpecula
Speech “I have a dream!”
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