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Fitness
Live longer and get more trophies.

1. Take bad medicine
Destructive behavior = good health!

The treatment: Cigarettes
Benefit: No one knows what exactly causes Alzheimer’s disease, but the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences published research that says smoking cigarettes could delay its onset. “I concur!” said Dr. Marlboro, when reached for comment.

The treatment: Beer
Benefit: New research shows that the folate found in beer improves cardiovascular function. Drinking one brewski a day could very well reduce blood clotting and the buildup of bad triglycerides and LDL cholesterol in your veins. Sadly, the key word there is one.

The treatment: Fat-assy-ness
Benefit: Just stay around 25 pounds overweight, says the Journal of the American Medical Association, and you’ll have a decreased risk of Parkinson’s disease. See? Our “nutritional reserves” may help us in a pinch, so quit poking at our love handles.

The treatment: Fast food
Benefit: Take two Big Macs and call us in the morning. Researchers in Australia have found that eating foods packed with fat and sugar helps reduce anxiety levels. Next we’re going to find out that ice cream can cure our UTI!


2. Win at everything
Attention, weekend warriors: All-stars reveal the fastest ways to get better at every sport (without failing a urine test).

Kevin Durant Seattle’s rookie phenom on shaking a schoolyard defender.
Create space: “I use my pivot foot and take a step back before exploding ahead. The only time I consider using a ball fake is if my opponent is bigger than me, because that buys me some time.”
Keep him guessing: “Keep going to the basket, but every now and then shoot a jumper to mix it up. It makes your defender have to guard you.”
Be freakishly talented like Kevin Durant: “I do a left-to-right crossover and head straight for the basket. My long wingspan helps me get around my opponent when I’m close to the hoop.”

Matt Holliday The Rockies RBI generator wants you to take home that softball trophy.
Be a middle man: “Keep your eye on the ball through your swing and try to hit line drives at the pitcher. Use the middle of the field as much as possible.”
Let it go: “When things aren’t going well, that’s when I’m thinking about my mechanics or where my hands are. If you think about your mechanics, you’re thinking about the wrong things.”
Go easy on the suds: “If you’re seeing more than one ball, you’re probably not going to do too well. You can get hit in the face with a fly ball, and nobody wants to be that guy.”

Dwight Freeney The Indianapolis Colts DE on squishing flag football QBs
Know your technique: “When the ball is snapped I envision myself getting shot out of a cannon. Bigger guys you want to take down low because it’s easier to trip them up. Smaller guys you want to pretty much take up high because your momentum will bring them down.”
Get ready for some pain: “Sometimes you make a big hit and almost knock yourself out. It’s kind of what we’re programmed to do.”
Don’t get touchy-feely: “Definitely play flag football before touch. Touch football is for eight-year-olds.”

Bernard Hopkins The light-heavyweight champion on delivering beat- downs
Mess with his game: “Try to get the other guy to make mistakes by using basic punches to open up his body. Attack and retreat. Create a blueprint of how to diffuse your opponent. I can convince you to fight my fight and you won’t even know you’re doing it. It’s the art of war.”
Be light on your feet: “Footwork is underappreciated. Your feet get you closer to your target than your hands do.”
Learn to take a punch: “Get used to working through pain in training. It takes time. This isn’t karate where guys are banging on your six-pack with a bat.”

Zach Johnson Last year’s Masters winner helps you take down the Judge Smails in your life
Don’t wail on the ball: “Most amateurs swing out of their shoes trying to hit the ball too far. Don’t worry about that and work on better rhythm and a smooth transition at the top of your swing.”
Take less club: “You’d probably benefit from hitting a three-wood more often than the driver. It has more loft, and it is much easier to hit.”
Take your time: “If you have an annoying group behind you and there’s no room for them to play through just buy them a beer, give them a copy of Maxim, and tell them to chill.”

3. Grab a sweet ride
Pedal your butt off—literally.

The Look 986 X9’s 21 lb. carbon-fiber frame boasts Rock Shox and oversize frame tubes that make this dirt-track bike look even faster than those built for the road. $4,500


Upgrade your: Card game
Old: Texas Hold 'Em
New: Bourré
A variation of Spades, this ghetto-fab game is a favorite of LeBron James and Dwyane Wade.

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