Who's Tougher: The Fight Club Narrator vs. Bruce Banner?
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ENTERTAINMENT
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It's time to determine once and for all which Edward Norton alter ego will be the first to tap out.
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THE NARRATOR |
BRUCE BANNER |
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Former product-recall manager for a major car company; part-time waiter; part-time movie theater projectionist; part-time soap manufacturer |
Former research scientist; currently unemployed and on the lam |
EDGE: BANNER
Pissing in the soup and splicing dicks into kid's films is one thing, but having the military hunting you down is pretty badass.
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Tyler Durden, a nattily dressed anarchist, terrorist, and fight enthusiast |
The Hulk, a green, nine-foot-tall rampaging monster driven by pure rage |
EDGE: NARRATOR
Hulk is out to destroy anything in his immediate area. Durden wants to tear down everything from the world's economic infrastructure to your very core beliefs and values. |
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Goes from nerdy office drone drabness to male prostitute chic, complete with spiked hair, leather jacket, Hawaiian shirt, and Elvis sunglasses |
When he changes from science dork to monster, it's not just a wardrobe switch—the Hulk literally bursts through Banner's clothing, save for a pair of amazingly resilient jean cutoffs |
EDGE: BANNER
While waking up in the woods every morning wearing only size 146-waist jams isn't cool, it beats a transformation that's so subtle even the transformer isn't aware of it. |
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Forms Tyler Durden after months and months of insomnia and job stress cause his mind to snap like a twig |
Forms the Hulk after gamma radiation taps into his inner rage and gives it a face only he can love |
EDGE: BANNER
Surviving a gamma radiation blast is tough enough, but having it actually make you 200 percent cooler in the process? That's just awesome. |
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Blonde pretty boys; his boss |
General "Thunderbolt" Ross; equally big and monstrous Emil Blonsky/the Abomination |
EDGE: BANNER
The Abomination gives new meaning to the term "pick on someone your own size." And anytime a dude named Thunderbolt (or Thaddeus, for that matter) wants to kick your ass, you must have done something pretty cool. |
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Can take it as well as he can dish it out. Will absorb beatings in order to make a point, but usually follows the strict rules of "Fight Club" and stops punching if someone taps out |
Once he gets going, there are no rules. He'll punch your helicopter, tear it in two, and then use pieces of it to Barry Bonds a tank into the next county |
EDGE: BANNER
We like him when he's angry. |
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Robert Paulson; the Space Monkeys |
No one |
EDGE: NARRATOR
It's always nice to have someone in your corner. Even if they do have bitch tits. |
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Literally shoots himself in the face to stop Durden |
Tries serums and yoga to "silence his inner rage" |
EDGE: NARRATOR
Again, he SHOOTS HIMSELF IN THE FACE. |
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Entangled in an abusive love/hate relationship with equally screwed up Marla Singer |
Longs to get back into the loving arms of amazingly understanding and apple-pie-sweet Betty Ross. Bonus: She's the daughter of his biggest enemy—how does that sit with you, Thunderbolt? |
EDGE: NARRATOR
We have no idea where Marla's been—and from the looks of her, we don't want to—but getting in bed with her is nothing short of kamikaze-level bravery. |
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BRUCE BANNER pulls out the 5–4 victory. Skinny guys may fight till they're burger, but they're no match for radiation-fueled rage. Still, after all the action, both these guys turn back into scrawny Ed Norton, so can either truly be called a winner? |
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