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Amare Stoudemire Says "Put this on your tongue"

Attention caffeine addicts: Meet your new pusher man.

As a fan of the New York Knickerbockers, I’ll take any excuse to see Mr. Amar'e Stoudemire in action. Sadly, the action I witnessed didn't involve him throwing a ball through a hoop while I ate a hot dog. Instead, it involved Amar'e talking about his new business venture, Sheets Energy Strips, in a Duane Reade drug store in lower Manhattan.

Sheets Energy Strips are, "the new way to do energy." What the hell does that mean? It means that instead of guzzling Red Bulls or Mochachinos, you simply place a Sheet on your tongue, it dissolves and—wham!—you’ve got about a cup of coffee's worth of caffeine banging through your body. Energy Sheets come in two flavors, Cinnamon Rush and Berry Blast. I tried both and…wowsers. I definitely got the caffeine rush, but my Lord these things don’t taste good. I’m eating a Cinnamon Rush as I type and it tastes like someone drank a bottle of Robitussin, held me down and sheet in my mouth. But hey, that’s just my tongue's opinion. And maybe it's part of the plan? If they were delicious, I'd probably eat 15 in a row and my heart would explode before I finished this post. Nobody wants that, especially our cleaning lady who’d have to chop me up and toss me out with the used K-Cups.

Anyway, back to the Duane Reade…I learned two things while standing amongst the gaggle of reporters around Amar'e: 1) He hopes the lockout ends soon and 2) I have an exceptionally weak arm and can only hold out a tape recorder for two minutes before cramping begins. 

Maybe I just needed another Energy Sheet. Are they really that yucky? Pick up a pack at Duane Read, GNC, CVS, Rite-Aid, Walgreens or Wal-Mart and stick one in your mouth. If you think my tongue is an asshole, berate me via Twitter @danbova1.

P.S. Let them play!