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Ask Bill Burr: On Cheating Girlfriends

Every week, comedian Bill Burr does his best to solve your problems. Although you may not always like his solutions... 

QUESTION:

Hey Bill: I was together with a girl for close to a year and a half. Before dating her I'd pretty much bang anything with a skirt on it. But this girl was different. I knew her for a while before we started dating and we were amazing friends.

But in the middle of the relationship I noticed her co-worker would be extra-flirty with her and stuff. I always told her how it made me uncomfortable but she assured me that she didn't like the dude and didn't respect guys who hit on girls that they knew were taken. A couple of months past and then an incident happened. She was at an office party and according to her, the dude got super drunk and kissed her. Her excuse was that he got drunk and kissed her so it wasn't her fault because she didn't kiss him back. Of course I didn't listen to that bullshit and I dumped her within 10 minutes.

Anyway it's been 3 months since we broke up and I am not really sure if it was the right decision. My gut says I did the right thing but I am questioning it.

ANSWER:
Your story is a great example of how you have to listen to your gut in life. If you look back on your relationship, it was telling you from early on that this girl was no good. Your gut is your friend. But the problem is it has three main enemies: Fear, doubt, and, unfortunately, love.

Remember the feeling you had when you first noticed the co-worker being "extra-flirty" with your girlfriend? That was your gut saying, "Fuck this. This isn't good. Get out of the relationship." But then what happened? I'm going to guess that some other voices popped into your head. "No, she wouldn't do that." "I'm just being jealous." "Give her space." "Don't be possessive."

If that was the case, you basically listened to the enemy and had to go through an extra 10 months of bullshit that you could have avoided. So in the future, if your gut tells you, "Fuck this." Then that's exactly what you should do. Love is blind. Your gut is 20/20.

You absolutely did the right thing. If that dude kissed her the way she said it went down, the story would have ended with her slapping him in the face, clawing his eyes out, or at the very least calling security.

She did none of those things. So you know what my gut is telling me? She engaged in flirty conversation with him that eventually led up to the kiss. She then kissed him back and if no one was looking, she probably let him feel her up too. And for all I know she could've fucked him in the parking lot.

So ask your gut this question: Is that the woman who's going to be the mother of your kids? Of course not. You can do much better. It's her loss. Your gut will tell you when you're with the right person and then that's when you can give in to love. Until then, keep that shit in check and always listen to your friend! Good luck!

Got a problem that only a brutally honest answer from Bill will solve? Email it to win@maxim.com with "Bill Burr" in the subject line.