Being a librarian isn't all pencil skirts and adorable glasses. There's a lot of filing and paperwork, not to mention the endless temptation to abuse the Dewey Decimal System for personal gain. Fortunately, Maite Schwartz, who turned on Community fans as librarian/homewrecker Mariah, is trying out a lot of different personalities: a sexy millionaire on Hawaii Five-0, sexy doctor on Supernatural, and sexy murderer on CSI: NY. (We know it isn't cool to find murder sexy these days, but what would you say if we told you she used poison? See? No blood!) Sorry for the lack of spoilers on that last one, but be honest: there's nothing to spoil on that grindhouse murder show. The best actor is always the killer.
The Carnegie Mellon graduate and bringer of fantasies has been popping up all around the broadcast networks, and you might remember her from the non-Anne-Hathaway-nude scenes in Love & Other Drugs if you had actually watched them. But if you had done that, you would have been setting yourself up for terrible harm in all the non-Schwartzian parts.
Depending on how well your blogging software handles umlauts and accents (guess which men's site doesn't?), her name is spelled with a few variations, but all of them come from the German, Schwartz, meaning "Black," and Maite, meaning "Looks good in". Of course, she looks good in red, too. Or out of it. Really, we'd just be happy to see her in anything better than a one-off role on by-the-numbers dramas written for America's bored moms.
Quit squandering this
Come on, Hollywood, can't you take at least one role from professional hot chick Carmen Electra and give it to a real actress who could do something with it? Maybe you could squeeze one more street-tough lady cop with an attitude onto the three thousand shows about special investigators?
No? Then how about a Community spin-off for her librarian character? But like an extra-sexy librarian who wears two pairs of glasses and moonlights as a crime-solving gourmet cook. And the entire show is shot in slow-motion. Man, we would watch that on Blu-Ray till the disc's binary code demanded hazard pay.
Got a suggestion for "background check"? Seen a hottie lurking in the background of a commercial or TV show and want to see more of them? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org with "Background Check" in the subject line and we'll track them down.