Follow these boozy rules to make the Olympics less boring and more blurry.
1. Take a drink every time a snowboarder says “stoked” in an interview.
2. Take two drinks every time someone unsuccessfully tries to explain the origins of the Biathlon.
3. Take a shot of Jager every time you see a German speedskater’s moose knuckle.
4. Take a drink every time the narrator in the competitor profile segments uses the words “inspiring,” “tragedy”, “triumph” or “against all odds.”
5. Take a drink every time you see an umlaut in an athlete’s name.
6. Shotgun a beer when Bob Costas humble-brags about being at the last nine Olympics.
7. Take two drinks every time a competitor dedicates his/her performance to a dying/recently deceased relative.
8. Finish your drink every time an announcer makes a Cool Runnings reference during the bobsled competition.
9. Do a keg stand every time a ski jumper winds up headfirst in a snowdrift.
10. Drink as fast as humanly possibly every time it cuts back to the curling.
11. Take a drink every time someone does a sport that involves sliding in some way (warning: You will be dead within 20 minutes).
12. Take a drink every time a commentator talks about the lack of snow Russia got this winter, and marvels at how much snow the US has gotten.
13. Take a drink every time someone walking past your house does a far more impressive – albeit accidental – triple lutz on the icy sidewalk than anyone competing in the figure skating.
14. Chug a glass of red wine every time a proud parent has a human interest piece.
15. Do a shot of whisky every time Bob Costas mentions the medal count.
16. Take a knee and a sip every time someone has a crash or fall... womp. It happens.
Check out the Gold Medal White Russian and Your Guide to the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympic Sports You'll Randomly Watch at 5am.