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Science Creates Super Beer

Exciting barley(!) research promises to make beer better.




You guys might remember the Human Genome Project, the scientific quest that culminated in the full sequencing of human DNA. That research continues to revolutionize how we treat disease, research our evolutionary past, and how we work to improve the human condition. What the Human Genome Project didn’t reveal, however, was the PERFECT SUPER BEER TO GET YOU MEGA CRUNKED.

And that’s where the Barley Genome Project comes in. Now, we know what you’re thinking, Barley? Isn’t that the coolest grain in the universe?

You’re God damn right it is.

From barley comes our most precious liquid, beer. And with the grain’s fully sequenced genome, super scientists can breed strains of barley designed solely for brewing the world’s greatest beers.

Of course, this research could also be used to feed the hungry and stupid crap like that. And there’s always the possibility an evil barley scientist might breed a wicked strain, built for speed, strength and telekinetic power. Could this master race of barley destroy humanity and become the dominant species on Earth, using people only as fertilizer slaves? Yes. Is that worth the possibility of the perfect beer? Also yes.

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