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Lose the Sag

5) Long-time rumor has it that the baggy jeans style comes from hard cases in prison, who weren’t allowed to wear belts inside (they’re taken away, along with your laces, when you go to the big house), letting people know they’d done time when they got back out on the street by continuing to let them hang low. If you’re a skinny, 15-year old kid from Iowa, chances are people aren’t going to assume the same of you: they’ll just think you’re too dumb to buy pants that fit.

4) An extension of the rumor (and one that, it has to be said, has no solid evidence behind it, but it’s funny, so what the hell) claims that in prison, while everyone had baggy jeans, the only time an inmate let them dangle right down over their underwear was when they were someone else’s bitch. Not so tough now, huh, Mr. Saggy Pants?

3) Everyone agrees that you look like a fool. Even Simon Cowell, and he’s the least stylish man in the whole world.

2) Even if you actually do decide to go beyond the tough guy look and actually commit a crime, chances are, you’ll be foiled by your own trousers.

1) Even the president is telling you not to.