Gentleman, welcome to the first installment of Style Trendstopping. Sure, we're going to use it as a platform to clown the sartorial stumbles of mega-prepsters, poseurs, and hispters, but—and this is important—we're also here to give you a heads up on what busted, girl-repelling fashion eff ups you need to retire—and fast.
Chuck these kicks.
Square toe shoes: This is not the early 90s, is it? Thought so. Listen, we know these are ubiquitous in the cubicle farms. We know you probably got them at DSW. We like bargains too. But these club footed things never flatter you. They insta-schlub any get up.
The fix: Wingtips. They work with suits, slacks and sharpen the shit out of your jeans. Obviously they should be more pointy, but not Euro-trashy, eye-stabbing pointy. As for brands, we'd love to say go out and buy a pair of $800 pair of Guccis, but for many of us, it's laughable to shell rent-matching cake for kicks. A great bargain is the Allen Edmonds, available Nordtrom's. These'll run you north of three hundo, but will last a decade or more. For our DSW crowd, this discount store offers the original Mad Men wingtips, Florsheims. Solid and at about $100, a no brainer. OK stubby, let's get on this quick-fix upgrade and start getting you laid again. Time to put a better foot forward.
Allen Edmonds Lombard