The comedy actor also answers the same 10 questions we always ask everyone!
You and Harland Williams just finished filming a short movie, Steady And Shakes, on Instagram. What made you want to try that?
A couple years ago Harland and I happened to be in Vancouver in the same hotel shooting different movies, and we were having a drink and talking about things that we thought were funny, and we came up with Steady And Shakes. I didn’t necessarily have a strong desire to film a movie on Instagram, I just thought, well this thing is here, let’s try this. We didn’t finish it because I had to stop and pack the RV because we were going on vacation the next day. I thought we’d knock this thing out in an hour and a half, and four hours later, I go, “Shit man, we gotta call, I gotta finish packing this darn thing!”
Would you ever accept fan submissions to be extras in an Insta-Movie?
I don’t know if it’s worth their time! I don’t know. My life is so crazy and busy, I can barely answer my email. We’ve got so much going on in our lives these days - my wife and I have five children, so dealing with that and then getting on with the business of the day is always a challenge. But I guess the preference of the PR is to say, “Yes, of course!”
What can you tell us about Anchorman 2? Does anyone get killed with a trident?
I don’t think so - not that I remember. I can tell you it comes out December 20th, and I can tell you it’s larger in scope than the first one. I think it’s funnier - it’s tough to be an unbiased critic, but I think, my God, this is funny.
What was it like getting everyone back together after nearly a decade?
I know it sounds corny to say it, but it just seems like everyone has been gone for a week - we just picked up where we stopped off. I see those guys a couple times a year anyway, so it’s kind of like old friends getting back together again. So yeah, it didn’t feel like any time had passed - it was like, oh, we’re doing this again, great!
How hard is it to keep a straight face on the set?
It can be very difficult! Will is amazing, the guy is just incredible. He’ll do things that make me just die. There were several scenes where I really literally had to think of tough situations my kids have been in over the years to make me not laugh.
Is that the comedy equivalent of thinking about baseball?
I guess! Some of it was really hard. There was one line in particular that Will has to deliver to Brick and, oh God, it was so hard. I was standing by Steve and I was on camera, and I was just, ugh. There’s another one with a scene in a lighthouse - I don’t know if it’s going to make the movie because it's long, there’s so much stuff, but it’s just the four of us and none of us could hold it together. You feel awful, like, I’m a professional here, I know what the lines are, so come on. But the situation in the lighthouse is so beyond ridiculous it’s just impossible. Literally all four of us were laughing after every take. But they were running enough cameras that they were able to get the scene.
You’ve got 119 credits on IMDB -
[Starts laughing hysterically.]
Is there anything on there that people might be surprised by?
I’d hope so! [Bursts out laughing again] For some people it’s quantity over quality…and I want to be one of them!
119 is a lot…
Daddy’s got five kids, he’s got to keep working!
Is there anything on there that you kind of wish wasn’t?
Yeah, several! I’m not going to tell you which ones, because I’m not gonna take a shit on anyone, but yeah, there’s several, I will say that.
You put a lot of stuff on your YouTube channel, Full on Koechner. Got any recent favorites?
One was called Cats And Balls, because I thought it was ridiculous how the most popular thing on YouTube are cat videos, or just videos of men getting hit in the nuts. So we did a video called Cats And Balls, which is just guys getting hit in the balls by a cat! [Cracks up laughing]
AND NOW: DAVID KOECHNER ANSWERS THE SAME 10 QUESTIONS WE ALWAYS ASK EVERYONE!
What’s the last thing you had to apologize for?
I was short with my oldest son earlier today, I was very impatient with him. And so I apologized to him for that.
What’s your favorite curse word?
Probably motherfucking cocksucker.
It’s nice to have a lot of syllables.
Yeah, a lot of “K” sounds. I don’t know, there’s probably too many I have. Holy fuck-shit. Cats and balls!
The good thing is, if we use “cats and balls” in the headline of this piece, it’s going to get a lot of hits on Google.
Oh, I know. And then people will think, “Oh, that’s what he does? Good Lord…”
What’s the worst hangover you’ve ever had?
Wow. Can I do top 10? [Laughs]. The worst I ever had was probably in high school. My folks were out of town for the evening, and me and some of my buddies had a barn out in the country and we were drinking whisky straight from the bottle. I have this memory of downing it and it tasted like dust. Boy, that had to be one of the top ones of all time.
What was your first car?
A 1969 powder blue Volkswagen that I shared with my older brother and sister.
Do you have a scar that tells a story?
I have several! I have one on the knuckle of my middle finger. We were sharing a different car at the time, it was a Dodge, and I threw the keys to her, and I hit the window on the way out and they fell down into this moat-like structure below the window. I cursed and I hit the window with my fist, not knowing the force I used to do it. I cut very close to the tendon - it started bleeding very, very badly. If they hadn’t been able to fix it, I wouldn’t have been able to flick anybody off. Tragedy averted!
So you punched the window out?
Uh, I guess I did.
That’s kind of badass.
I lashed out is what I did, didn’t I? I received my punishment immediately.
Do you have a party trick?
I can wiggle my ears. It’s not really a party trick, but my kids seem to like it. Did you mean like a bar trick?
It can be anything. For some people, it just means leaving.
I guess my trick is staying!
What’s the biggest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?
God, I guess a type of food, I can’t even think of it. A triple cheeseburger, I guess?
What’s the one thing to remember in a fist fight?
Tuck your chin and aim for the other guy’s neck.
No trident. Well, if it was available, I guess you should use it.
Who was the last person to see you naked?
My wife. Unless the kids ran into the bathroom while I was showering, which I don’t think they did. So, my wife.
Finish this sentence: If I ruled the world for the day, I would…
Oh, that’s a big one. I guess I’d give everyone in the world a trident. But I’ll do better than that I hope. I guess it would be something that lasts. If I ruled the world for the day, I would say everyone has to take care of someone that’s not doing well, forever. We’d split up the responsibility – every block, or every set of 100 people has to take care of someone who’s disadvantaged in some way, whether they’re homeless, or poor, or mentally challenged. How about that? That seems like a good equation, doesn’t it?
That sounds fair. Although it seems like there’s a lot of potential for some embarrassing social faux pas – like, when you get in groups of 100 and decide which guy gets looked after, and that one guy looks up and goes, “Wait, what?”
[Laughs] Yeah, he’s going, “Wait, I thought I was doing fine!” [Laughs again] “I’m not crazy, get your hands off me!” There goes my idea. I was trying to be benevolent, but it turned out to be fascism! [Erupts in helpless giggling] I’m going to go watch some cats and balls now.