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The Best of Patrice O'Neal

In honor of the dearly departed comic’s last album, we remember his best stand-up, cameos and radio spots.

 

Everyone from Sarah Silverman to Louis C.K. cried big comedy tears when news broke that Patrice O’Neal had died of complications following a stroke back in November. Hi final album, Mr. P, drops on Tuesday and to commemorate O’Neal’s career, we’ve assembled some of his best bits. Watch with caution: They come with a high “weeping with laughter but then just straight up weeping” risk.

 

Animal Lover

As a people, we may not agree on much, but we’ve always found common ground with booze, office chair races and a mutual hatred of Sarah McLachlan’s goddamn animal commercials. The ads have been parodied to “Shit Says” levels, but O’Neal offers a pretty fantastic recut of “In the Arms of the Angel,” titled “Kittens With Pencils Sticking Out of Their Faces.” (B Side: “Puppies in a Cup Missing Their Feet, It’s Wrong.”)

 

Face/Off

We’ve been there, Patrice. Realizing Face/Off actually blows can be a slow and painful process, but listening to someone else go through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance is a hilarious comfort to us all.

 

Arrested Development

O’Neal’s cameo as T-Bone, the ex-con who burns down the banana stand, mainly consists of him looking funny in an apron and Kangol hat. But when Michael asks him point blank if he committed the arson, we get one of the best confessions ever:

 

Paper Trail

In this bit, O’Neal explains how he pisses off convenience store clerks to ensure he always has an alibi. A handy tactic to consider next time your “car has broken down by a 7/11” on your way to work, and you’re definitely not sneaking into matinee movies and dive bars down the street.

 

Chapelle’s Show

“The Player Hater’s Ball” (not to be confused with the Coconut Banger’s Ball) is notable not just for O’Neal’s appearance as a player hater named Pitbull, but cameos by Ice-T and Eddie Murphy and an excellent HBO introduction parody. Chapelle of course gets the best burns – for instance, “Buck Nasty, what can I say about that suit that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan?” Still, we get an early glimpse of O’Neal’s famous roasting skills, which were later set upon Charlie Sheen.

 

Missing White Woman

Given O’Neal’s untimely death, we really hope someone is looking after that baby in Ugg boots on a keychain.

 

Football Intimidation

Apparently, Patrice’s early impressions of football more closely resemble a cross between a fight club and Battle Royale than the current Sunday night games. If Tom Brady thinks he has it rough now with his Super Bowl loss, he should be grateful Eli Manning never ripped the socks off his paralyzed feet.