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5 Other Superheroes Who Should Quit Their Jobs

If Superman can ditch his gig at the Daily Planet and become a blogger, these other guys can change careers, too.

Hero: Daredevil
Old Job: Lawyer
New Job: Public Safety Speaker

Matt Murdoch is one of the few super powered human beings with (A) a severe disability (he’s blind) and (B) a job that actually requires hours and hours of tedious labor. Can you imagine trying to read 1,000 pages of legal briefs in Braille? The vigilante isn’t even rich from his lawyering - Daredevil is notorious for doing pro bono work and helping the poverty-stricken with legal advice. And that ain’t payin’ for red jumpsuit repairs.

So what should he do? Well, Murdoch earned his powers (and blindness) after running into traffic and getting whomped by a truck containing awesome chemicals. If anyone is qualified to awkwardly talk to kids in sweaty auditoriums about the importance of traffic safety, it’s this guy. Plus, it gives him plenty of time to make a move on Elektra.

Hero: Captain America
Old Job: Artist
New Job: Pizza-Slinger

Weirdly enough, Steve Rogers occasionally works as a comic book artist and designer for Captain America. Yes, within the Marvel universe there’s a Captain America comic book illustrated by…Captain America. Not only is that annoyingly meta, Cap’s skill sets of being really good at throwing disc-shaped objects only speaks to one profession we know of: pizza dude.

As an Avenger, Rogers has unlimited resources, so he doesn’t really need money. But everyone needs delicious pizza, so it’s a humanitarian service, plus spinning pies all day is good practice for throwing a circular vibranium shield at people’s faces (we should know).

Hero: The Watcher
Old Job: Watching
New Job: NFL Replay Official

If your entire species dedicates their almost omnipotent powers to viewing and recording momentous occasions in history, needless to say you’d probably be pretty OK at watching a football game. And while the official NFL refs’ return to football has been good, the zebras are still good for totally blowing a game on an obvious call.

So what better job for Uatu then replay ref? From on high, this alien being of vast power can rule with absolute precision on whether or not Adrian Peterson fumbled for the seventh time. Which is a totally appropriate and not wasteful application of the Watcher’s God-like abilities.

Hero: Martian Manhunter
Old Job: Private Detective/Cab Driver
New Job: Reality Show Star

No joke, a superhero more powerful than Superman and the very last of his kind, Martian Manhunter drove Clark Kent around in a cab. When he wasn’t doing that or being a member of the Justice League and fighting super criminals, he was a private detective: Detecting regular criminals in his free time.

Bro. Dude. Dudebro. You are the last living Martian in the universe. You have an undefined number of super powers, some of which include making ice cream out of thin air. You should not be a chauffeur to some bozo from Krypton or taking photos of cheating spouses. And as someone with a basically public identity, J'onn J'onzz is the perfect candidate to be “famous for being famous.” Get a reality show, a sex tape…if it can work for a woman whose only power is having an incredible ass, it can work for a psychic Martian who can tell the future and, once again, make ice cream out of thin air.

Hero: Mr. Fantastic
Old Job: Super Scientist
New Job: Porn Star

Come on. How could he not be?

Show me more comics.
Take me to the girl galleries.