In honor of Thor: The Dark World and its star’s magic mallet, here are some other heroes and villains who took a trip to the toolshed.
Photo Courtesy of Marvel Studios
Tool Of Choice: Hammer.
Non-Traditional Tool Applications: Flight; summoning storms; frying stuff with lightning.
Reason For Tool: Thor is the Nordic god of thunder, and his hammer, Mjölnir, is his traditional weapon, because people in ancient Scandinavia didn’t have a whole lot of imagination. Awesomely, “Mjölnir” literally translates as “that which smashes,” so it’s safe to assume that this was a popular name for Vikings to give their penises.
Likelihood We’d Dare Call Him A Tool: Moderate. Dude seems like he’s got a good sense of humor, but chances are that when he realizes, “Verily, in Midguard, ‘tool’ also refers to a warrior’s nethers!” and cracks up laughing, his jovial, bro-ish arm punch would send you hurtling into space.
The Grim Reaper
Tool Of Choice: Scythe.
Non-Traditional Tool Applications: Spinning at speeds that allow it to be used as a buzz saw, missile shield, or mini helicopter; firing energy bursts; putting people into comas.
Reason For Tool: Long answer: He was always jealous of his brother, who became Wonder Man, and asked bad guy tech developer The Tinkerer to make him a weapon so he could become a bona fide super villain, forcing society to feel his pain and anger. Short answer: The guy is just a massive dick.
Likelihood We’d Dare Call Him A Tool: Low. He’s basically Death, but angrier, and with a sillier hat.
Doctor Who [Attention nitpickers! Yes, he is a BBC TV character. But he is also in lots and lots of comics. So suck it!]
Photo Courtesy of BBC
Tool Of Choice: Screwdriver.
Non-Traditional Tool Applications: Better known as the “sonic screwdriver,” it’s a super high-tech, futuristic, all-purpose tool that, in its current incarnation, reads its user’s mind and does whatever is required of it.
Reason For Tool: Honestly? Because the TV show’s writers would get stuck towards the end of a story, and the we’ve-never-actually-defined-exactly-what-it-can-and-can’t-do sonic screwdriver was an easy answer for resolving the plot. It became such a crutch that the producers eventually banned its use for several seasons, but over the years, we’ve seen it used as everything from a lock pick to a welding torch to a device for detonating landmines. Occasionally, it is also used for driving screws. Throw in the fact that the Doctor’s arch-enemies, the Daleks, all look like they’re waving plungers, and you could really get some serious home improvement done with this guy around.
Likelihood We’d Dare Call Him A Tool: High. The Doctor is not a violent man, and in all likelihood would just respond with something suitably self-deprecating before immediately saving your entire family from an alien invasion.
Tool Of Choice: Pitchfork. Okay, he calls it a trident, but we all know that’s just fisherman talk for a pitchfork.
Non-Traditional Tool Applications: Indestructibility; magic properties; electricity bolts; freezing or burning water blasts.
Reason For Tool: Aquaman is the king of Atlantis, and also, apparently, a Roman gladiator, so he carries a long pitchfork (sorry - trident). It’s kind of his royal scepter, but also a weapon that he uses to beat up bad guys and, presumably, help himself to the all-you-can-eat seafood buffet without having to leave his seat.
Likelihood We’d Dare Call Him A Tool: Moderate. He’s a superhero, and therefore not supposed to rise to that kind of insult, but on the other hand, he’s a moody, aristocratic fish-whisperer, so who knows what kind of shit the guy would pull if you dissed him.
Tool Of Choice: Hot Glue Gun.
Non-Traditional Tool Applications: Gumming up his enemies; making ropes; creating fireproof paste.
Reason For Tool: The Trapster’s original supervillain name was Paste Pot Pete, because comic book writers used to sniff their pens too much. He uses his glue gun in various criminal enterprises, most of which seem designed to end with his getting the shit kicked out of him by the Fantastic Four.
Likelihood We’d Dare Call Him A Tool: High. His name used to be Paste Pot Pete.