A Charity Bake Sale for Orphans Was Canceled After Someone Found a Dildo in a Cake

This is one hell of a surprise filling.
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This is one hell of a surprise filling.
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Here are some things I love finding inside a cake: Frosting. Sprinkles. Ice cream. More cake.

You’ll note that nowhere on that list does the word “dildos” appear. “But, but...dildos aren’t a cake filling,” you might say. WRONG. 

The Evening Times, a news source in Scotland (which, it must be noted, is not in Florida), is reporting that a Glasgow City Council bake sale on Friday was canceled after someone found a dildo rammed into a cake. To add insult to frosted dildo injury, the bake sale was being held to raise money for a Romanian orphanage.

A source told the Times that, "as further acts of malice could not be ruled out the rest of the baked goods were binned.” (Was there a second dildo?!) They believed that the prank occurred between 10:30 AM and 10:45 AM on Friday, which is widely considered an inappropriate time for someone to be strolling through their office with a dildo.

After reading this story, I’m haunted by so many unanswered questions. What if this wasn’t a weird prank? What if someone was trying to propose to their girlfriend? What if Susan in accounting just misplaced her dildo while she was making the cake for the bake sale? What kind of cake was it? What would I do if I found a surprise dildo in my cake? What happened to the dildo? Why do I suddenly want cake?

In better news, I absent-mindedly Googled “Dude, Where’s My Dildo?” while writing this post and, lo and behold, it’s a real movie. What a truly beautiful world we all live in.

h/t BroBible 

Photos by Getty Images