Five Things We Learned From NFL Week 4

NFL coaches don’t listen to our advice, our advice is bad, and is it Tebow time yet?
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NFL coaches don’t listen to our advice, our advice is bad, and is it Tebow time yet?
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Mark L. Baer / US Presswire | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

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1 - Calling Timeouts Before Field Goals Continues To Be Dumb

Listen, Andy Reid, just because you’re the coach of the Philadelphia Eagles and look like a genetic experiment combining walrus DNA with a toilet brush, doesn’t mean you should ignore our excellent analysis. Right before Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes went wide left on a potentially game winning field goal, Reid called a timeout, giving the Giants a second chance to put the game away. Tynes missed again, but if he hadn’t, you can be sure Philly fans would be crying into their morning scrapple right now.

2 - “Post-Concussion Tests” Must Not Work Very Well

After Calvin Johnson sustained an absolutely brutal illegal hit to the head in the Lions, Vikings game, the receiver had to be helped off the field by team trainers. Johnson was allowed back into the game after passing a “post-concussion” test. This test, we’re guessing, consists of correctly identifying the color of the sky and successfully depositing drool into a “science” bucket. Later, when asked about the hit, Johnson said, “That’s just football, baby.” So as long as NFL superstars are willing to continually sacrifice their health and well-being for our entertainment, our fantasy leagues are safe.

3 - Tim Tebow Is Not The Answer For The Jets

The Jets can’t run the ball (Shonn Green had just 34 yards on 11 carries against the 49ers) and they have an inaccurate quarterback (Mark Sanchez was 13-29 passing). Tim Tebow is an extremely inaccurate quarterback who is okay at running the ball. How does replacing one bad quarterback behind an offensive line that can’t block with another bad quarterback behind an offensive line that can’t block solve the Jets chronic franchise problem (sucking)? Answer: it doesn’t. So what does? Short of blowing this whole team up and letting Mark Sanchez live up to his nickname by pursuing a career opening Dairy Queen franchises, not much is going to save the Jets' season (not even Tim Tebow’s messianic powers).

4 - So Remember When We Said The Refs Were Totally Going To Lose The Strike? Yeah, We Were Pretty Wrong About That One

You may remember us saying the NFL refs were doomed to lose in the lockout. Well, we were pretty much super-duper wrong on that one. After an escalating series of replacement refereeing blunders culminating in that Packers, Seahawks debacle on national TV, the NFL caved on most of the union’s demands. The official refs keep their pensions, get a hefty raise, and won’t even have to massage NFL commissioner Roger Goodell’s calves when he’s feeling “a little tense.”  

5 - The NFC West Is The Best Defensive Division In The League?

Yep, believe it. The St. Louis Rams lead the league in interceptions, the Seahawks and 49ers are third and fourth in yards allowed, and the Arizona Cardinals have the league high in defensive touchdowns (and are 4-0). Not only that, but no team in the division has a losing record. For years, pundits have labeled the NFC East as the toughest division in football. But if you’re looking for the new kings of the gridiron, it might be time to head west, young man (and bring us back an In-N-Out Burger while you’re there).

Click here to see what we learned from NFL Week 3.

Or would you rather just look at some NFL cheerleaders? Here you go, then.