Let’s All Stop Talking About Justin Bieber’s Butt

Would a butt by any other name still warrant a tweet?
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Would a butt by any other name still warrant a tweet?
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At the time of publication, searching “Justin Bieber’s butt” yields 234,000 results on Google News. When I first half-heartedly considered writing this article, we were at 108,000. His butt’s power is growing stronger by the minute. Soon, it will eclipse us all: TV news networks will devote extensive coverage to the butt, CNN will call in butt “experts” to discuss the butt 24/7. Mount Rushmore will be torn down, and replaced with four statues of the butt.

Some backstory (see what I did there): young Biebs was adrift on a stunning blue ocean yesterday, when . We’ve all posted a jealousy pic or two (or 26, I'm a monster) on vacation, but in his, he’s buck naked, pointing at an island landscape like a sweet Michelangelo cherub with DUI charges. The caption simply reads: “Look.” Is he saying “look yonder, at this majestic island,” or is he saying “look at my ass”? So enigmatic, that one.

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As far as butts go, I’ll admit that Justin Bieber’s butt is a pretty okay butt. Still I say: stop the madness. Let’s not all act like we’ve never seen a butt before. And while we’re at it, I'm going to once again call out the hypocrisy of Instagram’s nudity policy, which barred Chrissy Teigen from showing her nipple yet still allowed Bieber flaunt his tuckus willy-nilly.

Bodies are just bodies, everyone.