Movie Preview Time: Bullets vs. Zombies vs. Seniors
What should you see this weekend – Bullet To The Head, Stand Up Guys, or Warm Bodies? Our movie-rating dogs help decide!
What should you see this weekend – Bullet To The Head, Stand Up Guys, or Warm Bodies? Our movie-rating dogs help decide!
Bullet To The Head
Out Feb 1, Rated R
Photo Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures
Holly’s take:
“I’m not immediately going to be sold on a Sylvester Stallone movie based on a comic book – I think we can all agree that the 1990s Judge Dredd flick was one of the worst things ever – but this looks like a solid actioner, albeit one that would probably be going straight to Netflix Watch Instantly if it didn’t have the Italian Stallion in it. Man, I need a cool nickname. What rhymes with “Brooklyn”? Crooklyn? Hooklyn? Are they even words? I knew I shouldn’t have eaten the dictionary.”
Dexter’s take:
“I’m in agreement with Holly on this one. Although the one thing that struck me when watching this trailer is how good at action Stallone is, even at the age of 66. He’s a year older than Schwarzenegger, and yet while Arnie’s creaking his way through roles like an unoiled robot, Stallone is still convincingly kicking ass: The difference between the two of them in Expendables 2 was unreal. Anyway, this looks like a wait-for-Netflix deal, but if you’re thirsty for some fun mismatched-partners-go-on-revenge-mission action, this should go down like cool, refreshing toilet water.”
Billie’s take:
“I LIKED THIS FILM A LOT! MY FAVORITE PART WAS WHEN THE MAIN GUY SAID, ‘WHRRNN FNYURRNN BRNN MREURNN BAGNRRNG’. AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT IT SOUNDED LIKE. I’M NOT SURE, I WAS TOO DISTRACTED BY THE FACT HE LOOKED LIKE A BOILED POTATO.”
Stand Up Guys
Out Feb 1, Rated R
Photo Courtesy of Lionsgate
Holly’s take:
“I hope I’m not wrong here, but it looks like you can’t go wrong with this one. Al Pacino as a former gangster who’s just got out of prison after 28 years, Christopher Walken as his best friend who’s also been assigned to whack him (and really doesn’t want to), and Alan Arkin as a former getaway driver that needs rescuing from his own old folks’ home – I’m as sold as I can be without first being sent back to the pet store.”
Dexter’s take:
“This looks great – everyone seems like they’re just relaxed and enjoying the roles, which, considering the volume Pacino’s voice has been set on the last few years, is really saying something. I’m looking forward to this, if only because Christopher Walken looks exactly like my Uncle Benny – he was a pitbull that got knocked down by a school bus.”
Billie’s take:
“I LOVED THIS! OLD PEOPLE ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH. IT’S TRUE – EVERY TIME I BREAK INTO THE RETIREMENT HOME, THE ASPCA GAS ME WITH NITROUS OXIDE.”
Warm Bodies
Out Feb 1, Rated PG-13
Photo Courtesy of Summit Entertainment
Holly’s take:
“I’m very confused – when I saw a PG-13 movie about the undead wanting romance, my Twilight alarm went off so hard that I nearly bit one of my own nipples off. But then I watched the trailer and I have to admit, this looks really fun – a smart, knowing, cute story that also involves lines like, ‘Sir, we’re seeing zombies versus skeletons!’ Hollywood, you haven’t surprised me in so long that I just don’t know what to make of this. In the spirit of optimism, though, I’m going to go in with a cautious tail-wag.”
Dexter’s take:
“The marketing campaign says ‘tween bullshit,’ the trailer says ‘intriguing, funny film with John Malkovich in it.’ Either we’re going to get a really good movie that no one sees, or we’re going to get a movie seen by billions of very disappointed 13-year-old girls. I’ll definitely give this a try, but then, I’m adventurous. Just yesterday, for example, I tried biting my mailman on his right buttock. He was shocked – I always go for the lefty.”
Billie’s take:
“WHY ARE PEOPLE SO OBSESSED WITHY ZOMBIES? IF YOU WANT A DROOLING, BRAINLESS, SHAMBLING CREATURE WHO’LL BITE YOU GIVEN HALF AN OPPORTUNITY, WHY NOT JUST GET A DOG?”
Last Week’s Movies Rated (By Dogs)
Hot Girls Inside Maxim’s Sack: January 30th, 2013