You’ve had a wild summer leading the U.S. national team, and playing all over the world. What’s been the highlight so far?
Going to China and climbing the Great Wall! I got a workout I’ll never forget.
You led the league in scoring last year and just signed a huge contract. You’re a big deal. Why are you still driving a conversion van to work?
That’s my everyday car. It’s cool, know what I mean? I drive a lot. All last summer I drove from Oklahoma to Texas to go to school. I took the van. It’s got a bed in the back, a TV, and everything. I like to sleep back there! What more do you need?
During All-Star weekend you won the H.O.R.S.E. competition and were awarded what was universally panned as the ugliest trophy of all time. How would you redesign it?
I’d make it a big glass centaur. Half horse, half my torso.
You’re always standing up for the skinny guys. Who’s in your skinny guy hall of fame?
Well, Snoop Dogg is undoubtably number one. And Travis Barker is definitely in there; he’s a great drummer. Snoop, Travis Barker, and uh…hmm. I’m gonna have to get back to you on that.
What’s your pregame ritual?
Before every game I gotta dunk, reverse, and dunk left handed. I tie my shoes on the table every game. And I gotta dance. And I gotta pray.
What’s the dance?
It’s called the Dougie.
Besides playing basketball, what’s the best thing you can do with a 7’4” wingspan?
When I’m at the mall and they have four rows of shirts stacked, I can reach the top row, no problem. Even if I don’t need the shirt, girls notice me. Gotta put on a little show for them, you know?
The future of the NBA (and the steering wheel of one badass van) are in his hands.