We're always thankful for TV, but this week especially as its giving us Punkin Chunkin, rowdy bachelorette parties, and football. We're pretty sure this is what the New World was all about, anyway.
Monday, Nov. 21
10:00 p.m. Bachelorette Party: Las Vegas (Oxygen)
Look, we won't tell anyone that you'll be watching something on Oxygen if you don't snitch on us either. (Then again, this is the network responsible for the awesomely batshit, Soup clip-worthy Bad Girls Club, so we can't hate them entirely.) Plus, it's a show about chicks having their bachelorette parties! So, with the exception of having to endure the life-destroying male stripper scenes, you'll get to see uninhibited women behave the same way you and your friends do at bachelor parties. Even better, tonight's episode features a bachelorette party with an appearance from Bridget Marquardt. Vegas.
Wednesday, Nov. 23
10:00 p.m. Mad Scientists (NGC)
It's hard to decide what's worse about Thanksgiving: Enduring the holiday travel to go back home or actually arriving at your destination. Of course, seeing as this marks the most god awful travel day of the year, it's fitting that tonight's back-to-back episodes of Mad Scientists features contraptions that would be infinitely better than the cramped bus, train, or airplane filled with screaming babies that you're currently contemplating suicide on. A battery-powered flying motorbike and a jet-powered motorbike (complete with a sidecar made out of an office chair!) are concocted by the mad scientists. Impressive, but clearly does us no good now!
Thursday, Nov. 24
9:00 a.m. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (NBC)
Sure, it airs at an ungodly hour, the commentary by The Today Show hosts borders on unbearable, and it doesn't cater to anyone over the age of six, but you kind of have to watch it, don't you? Plus, you've got to tune in on the off-chance that a balloon gets away and wreaks havoc on Manhattan, a color guard member face plants, or Rick Astley rickrolls the whole damn thing again. Of course, with Kanye West as a scheduled entertainer for the tradition, the rapper could very well "Imma let you finish" Santa and make for the greatest parade of all-time.
12:30 p.m. NFL Football (Fox)
Football, be it playing it or planting your ass in front of the television to watch it, is as essential to Thanksgiving as painfully awkward, shame-spiraling dinners, drunk relatives, and glorious, glutton-fueled naps. You can prepare for all of that by pre-gaming with the Detroit Lions-Green Bay Packers game. Seriously, this is the best holiday ever. (Suck it, Flag Day!)
8:00 p.m. 2011 Punkin Chunkin (Science)
Not only is this something you'll most definitely be doing after you've binged on a seventh helping of pumpkin pie and pumpkin rolls, but its also the name of the ass-kicking annual event in which people launch pumpkins really, really far until they smash into a million pieces. (If only someone had come up with a cool band name to describe doing just that. Oh well!)
Saturday, Nov. 26
9:00 p.m. Primeval (BBC America)
We know what you're thinking, 'I've heard this story a million times before!' A character follows a Velociraptor, only to end up in Victorian England, only to discover another character has been following the same raptor.' Actually, no, no you haven't, because it's goddamn ridiculous. But, it just so happens to be the plot of tonight's episode of the cult BBC America series Primeval, in which Matt (Ciarán McMenamin) and Emily (Ruth Bradley) go on Mr. Raptor's wild ride. Note to Terra Nova: Start doing insane stuff like this and we'll start watching you again. Don't let England be better than us!
Sunday, Nov. 27
10:00 p.m. America's Wildest Roads (Travel)
What better time to watch a show about the most dangerous roadways in the country than on the other huge travel day this week? The episode--titled, like so many other things you already watch, "Wet & Wild"--features frightening tales of hazardous intersections and roads, including a Tennessee road that has more than 500 hairpin turns. While this could serve as a handy tool for which roads are better less traveled, its probably wise to not watch it while you're driving.