Hell, if the apocalypse is coming we want to spend as much of our time in 2012 with the ones we love: the couch and the TV.
Our resolution for 2012 is to watch more television. Hell, if the apocalypse is coming we want to spend as much of our time left here on Earth with the ones we love: The couch and the TV. Thankfully, there are plenty of new television shows to look forward to in the new year. Of course, if they're awesome and the Rapture does come we're going to be incredibly pissed that it's interrupting our new show schedule. Here now is our list of 10 Shows We Can't Wait for in 2012. Suck it, Harold Camping!
Sure, a J.J. Abrams-produced sci-fi drama about strange things happening on a mysterious island may conjure up memories of Lost (Jorge Garcia being in the cast doesn't help matters much either) but we swear, this isn't the second coming of the show that nearly ruined our lives. After all, this new series, which premieres on Monday, Jan. 16 at 8 p.m. on Fox, has characters trying to piece together a seemingly impossible series of events...Okay, so it will probably be a lot like Lost. But this time with more prison and more Sam Neill! (In short: Lost + The Rock / Jurassic Park = Alcatraz. We're in.)
Life's Too Short
We couldn't be more psyched that Ricky Gervais, who absolutely laid into the Hollywood elite right to their faces during this year's Golden Globes ceremony, is returning to host the 2012 awards show. So imagine our excitement when we heard that Gervais will also return to HBO in 2012 to do the very same thing in his new comedy (which has already premiered on the BBC) about a dwarf actor (played by Warwick Davis). Johnny Depp and Liam Neeson have already been good sports and have gotten in on the fun. Your move, Tim Allen .
Don't Trust the Bitch In Apartment 23
The latest show with a bad word in the title (well, aside from The Joy Behar Show) and two mix-matched roommates (move over 2 Broke Girls, the equally foxy Krysten Ritter and Dreama Walker are taking over the lease on our DVR) will appear on ABC's lineup sometime in 2012. The awesomely-titled sitcom also features James Van Der Beek as a self-aware version of himself. Bitch, please.
Oren Peli, the guy responsible for fucking up our sleep thanks to the Paranormal Activity movies, will make his foray into scaring us from our televisions starting Tuesday, Feb 7 at 9 p.m. on ABC. The chiller about a wildlife expert and TV personality Dr. Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood) who goes missing in the Amazon should have viewers both crapping their pants and guessing what will happen next. (Probably more pants crapping.) Oh yeah, and some guy named Steven Spielberg is the executive producer on the show.
Jack Bauer is back! Okay, so technically its just Kiefer Sutherland, but he'll still be back on Fox being as kick-ass as ever. In this new drama, which is expected to air by spring of 2012, Sutherland plays the father of a mute boy who is capable of predicting the future. (We wonder if he predicted that whole cougar storyline on 24.) The series, which is produced by Heroes creator Tim Kring, will also star Danny Glover, who is apparently not too old for this shit.
House of Lies
Another upcoming Showtime series making our cable subscription more than worthwhile (savings accounts are overrated, anyway). House of Lies might feature the best new cast on television: Don Cheadle, Kristen Bell, and Ben Schwartz (better known to television fiends as Parks and Recreation's ridiculous entrepreneur Jean-Ralphio.) It's being touted as an "irreverent send-up of corporate America today" but you had us at Kristen Bell hanging out with Don fuckin' Cheadle and Jean-Ralphio. House of Lies hits Showtime on Sunday, Jan. 8 at 10 p.m.
The Firm just keeps getting better, doesn't it? What started as a John Grisham book has since been adapted to a movie and now a television show, neither of which require any reading. The law drama, which premieres on NBC on Jan. 8th at 9 p.m., features a top-notch cast that includes actor Josh Lucas and professional sexy nutter butter Juliette Lewis.
If you're Dustin Hoffman and you wanted to star in a show about the seedy world of horse racing, well then you're in Luck. No really! Hoffman stars as an ex-con in this new HBO drama from director Michael Mann and the creators of Deadwood. The series debuts on Sunday, Jan. 29. Place your bets on how quickly people will compare it to the next coming of The Sopranos.
Seek and Destroy
Neal Brennan knew how to bring the laughs with the brilliant, but tragically short-run Chappelle's Show, which he co-created, so we have high hopes for his upcoming Showtime comedy about the musings of a pair of comics (Brennan and Dov Davidoff.) The comedy, which, according to TheWrap.com, will also feature "sketches, man-on-the-street interviews and other elements," should be coming to the cable network by 2012. Until then, we'll just keep watching our Chappelle's Show DVDs. Even after all these years, our loved ones never tire of our Rick James' impressions.
Formerly known as Rookies, this crime drama picked up by CBS stars LeeLee Sobieski and Adam Goldberg and has Robert De Niro and James Mangold attached as executive producers. In case you were keeping score, The 2-2 is already two for two. The show is expected to hit the network in 2012. Hey, let's just all be thankful it's not another CSI, which makes up roughly 73% of all of CBS's programming.