This Week in Weird Sports: Elephant Polo

Because horses just can’t handle our girth.
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Because horses just can’t handle our girth.
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Because horses just can’t handle our girth.

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The pachyderm–style of polo began with British-type person Jim Edwards. While it had been played in India prior to Edwards, ‘ol Jimbo had the bright idea to create a sporting association. Smart move! Now we get a yearly championship and contests as exciting as this one:

Pretty damn thrilling, right? Listen to that announcer! He can barely contain the string of multiple orgasms caused by just watching this contest of wills.

As you can see, elephant polo is just like regular polo. Except played on a smaller field because elephants are slower than horses. And, you know, with freaking elephants. Also, there are two riders instead of one: the mahout steers the elephant while the player yells commands from behind - it’s like really aggressive doggy style, minus the sexual gratification (that happens later in the locker room).

For more on this fantastically illiterate sport, read this article with a headline that’s a run-on sentence!