The Worst Neighbors We'd Still Live Near

In honor of Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23, we present our top 12 from television!
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In honor of Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23, we present our top 12 from television!
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Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23, which centers around smokin' hot Krysten Ritter torturing her roommate and neighbor, premieres tonight on ABC. Ritter's Chloe steals rent money, sleeps with her roommate's boyfriend, and scares her neighbor. However, she knows how to have a good time, has tons of crazy sex, and eats yogurt while naked in the kitchen, which is why we'd still live near this crazy B----. Check out the top 12 worst neighbors on TV that we'd still live near.



Photo: Adam Larkey / ABC | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

12. Fred Mertz, I Love Lucy

Photo: Everett Collection | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Why He's a Bad Neighbor: The Debbie Downer of 1950s television, Fred Mertz was the exact opposite of Lucy (who we Love)-- a little pessimistic, a little grumpy, and a lot bald.

Why We'd Live Near Him: Two words: financial advice. This guy lived through the Depression and know's what's up, when it comes to pinchin' pennies. You also have to admire someone whose waistline is above his nipples.

11. Roger Evans, Sister, Sister

Photo: Paramount Television / Everett Collection | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Why He's a Bad Neighbor: He doesn't take no for an answer with the ladies. That's charming when he's 12 and adorable when he's 80. But when he's 20, that's just being desperate and sad.

Why We'd Live Near Him: He has a thing for twins, and who doesn't? We'd bond over that. He also goes home when you tell him to, so that's good.

10. Cody Lambert, Step by Step

Photo: Warner Bros. / Everett Collection | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Why He's a Bad Neighbor: We're not sure how much we could take listening to a vocab heavily sprinkled with "Dude!" and "Chyeah!" Plus, Cody's a freeloader, and we're on a budget, chyeah.

Why We'd Live Near Him: Despite his obnoxiousness, it would be pretty cool to drink some brewskies and watch a game with this guy...for about seventeen minutes. Plus, we don't know anyone named Cody.

9. Kimmy Gibbler, Full House

Photo: Warner Bros. / Everett Collection | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Why She's a Bad Neighbor: D.J. Tanner's BFF Kimmy Gibbler is a huge, smelly pain in the ass. She comes in unannounced, her feet wreak, and her jokes aren't funny. Well, the last part may not be her fault-- we're looking at you, Jeff Franklin.

Why We'd Live Near Her: Everyone needs a friend, and Gibbler is harmless enough. Plus, she's one of the few child stars that never hit rock bottom...yet.

8. Ned Flanders, The Simpsons

Photo: FOX | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Why He's a Bad Neighbor: Look, we're all about trying our best to live righteously here at Maxim. But we don't need some do-gooder around to make us feel guilty all the time or to keep our minds on the rapture. Ned Flanders of The Simpsons is a stand-up guy, but come on, who needs it? He'd just rain on all our beer parades. And without the smokin' hot wife, what's the point of being his friend?

Why We'd Live Near Him: On the other hand, who can you really trust these days? At least we know that Ned has a good heart and a stellar set of morals. If he saw someone breaking into our house while we were out at our beer parade, he'd call the authorities for us! If our dog needed feeding while we were gone, he'd make sure not to poison him! Ten points for good samaritans!

7. Frank and Marie Barone, Everybody Loves Raymond

Photo: Everett Collection | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Why They're Bad Neighbors: They're always around! Family's great, but we need our privacy. Plus, they're old as hell and we need to get our cool, young points wherever we can get them.

Why We'd Live Near Them: Then again, there's nothing like a home-cooked meal... especially cooked in your own home by someone else.

6. Steve Urkel, Family Matters

Photo: Warner Bros. Everett Collection | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Why He's a Bad Neighbor: Steve Urkel is always around and full of unrequited love. His obnoxious catchphrases are almost as bad as nails on a chalkboard or glass in an eardrum.

Why We'd Live Near Him: So when we say, "We live next to Steve Urkel," we wouldn't be lying.

5. Gabrielle Solis, Desperate Housewives

Photo: Ron Tom / ABC | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Why She's a Bad Neighbor: Gabrielle Solis is conniving, self-centered, mean, crazy, and will stop at nothing to get what she wants.

Why We'd Live Near Her: Gabrielle Solis is super smokin' hot. Evidence here and here.

4. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

Photo: Cliff Lipson / CBS | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Why He's a Bad Neighbor: Sheldon Cooper's socially inept, severely judgmental, and just a general d-bagpersonality is enough to make us want to keep our apartment locked up at all times. With the chain.

Why We'd Live Near Him: But if we had tech troubles or needed help with our physics homework, we'd unchain our door, swallow our pride, and ask Sheldon. Totes worth the awkwardness and attitude.

3. Glenn Quagmire, Family Guy

Photo: FOX | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Why He's a Bad Neighbor: This oversexed creeper makes us want to hide our kids and wives. All we need is one more dot on our neighborhood's online registered sexual offender's map. Giggity giggity gross.

Why We'd Live Near Him: Sex advice?

2. Bill Compton, True Blood

Photo: HBO | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

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Why He's a Bad Neighbor: Who wants to live near a guy who constantly wants to sink his teeth into your jugular? He busts in whenever he pleases, whether it’s for breakfast, dinner, lunch, or a midnight snack, making your home a bloody mess most of the time.

Why We'd Live Near Him: We'd stick by Bill for the same reasons we think he sucks (pun intended). If we could get on his good side, he'll provide better protection and security than our old crappy ADT System! "Always There"... our asses.

1. Constance Langdon, American Horror Story

Photo: Prashant Gupta / FX | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

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Why She's a Bad Neighbor: For starters, she's batshit crazy. She's a baby stealer, breeds psychopaths, and makes laxative-laden baked goods.

Why We'd Live Near Her: We'd be her neighbors anyway because she's lots of campy fun and is always willing to loan out her medium buddy's services.