Are you dealing with a pair of embarrassingly flabby chesticles that invite ridicule from your buddies, coworkers, and girlfriend? Do you resemble Clyde the Orangutan from Every Which Way but Loose when your shirt’s off? Well, not only should you stay clothed at all times—you’ve gotta shed those he-humps, pronto! You’re prone to man-boobs if you used to be a pec-bursting gym rat who’s hitched a ride on the tubby train. While you want to restart chest and shoulder exercises, you don’t want to take lots of mirror-gazing time between sets, says Craig Ballantyne of turbulencetraining.com. “If you take little or no rest, you’ll torch the fat,” he says. Follow this workout twice a week and you’ll be burning your bras in no time!
SUPERSET 1: Three sets of eight reps each
1a. Dumbbell Chest Press
Lie down on a bench with a dumbbell in each hand at the sides of your chest. Press the dumbbells up until your arms are fully extended over your chest, then slowly lower them back down. And as tempting as it may be, try not to ogle your jiggly figure in the mirror.
1b. Upright Dumbbell Row
Using light DBs—so you avoid injuring your shoulders—stand with your feet shoulder width apart. Pull the dumbbells up toward your collarbone, keeping your elbows pointed out to the sides, then slowly lower them back down. Pray that no one realizes you’re doing the Maxim Man-Boob Workout.
SUPERSET 2: Three sets of eight reps each
Hang from a pull-up bar with your palms facing you. Pull yourself up until your chin is above the bar, focusing on using the muscles in your upper back, not your arms. Slowly lower yourself down to the start position. We doubt you’ll be able to do 24 of these, but the rest of the gym will enjoy watching you try.
2b. Dumbbell Shoulder Press
Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, holding a dumbbell at each shoulder with your palms facing for-ward. Press the dumbbells above your head until your arms are completely extended, then lower them back down to the starting position. Hey, you’re getting pretty good at this!
SUPERSET 3: Three sets of 10 reps each
3a. Dumbbell Incline Chest Press
Lie back on an incline bench, holding a dumbbell on each side of your chest. Press the dumbbells straight up until your arms are completely extended, then lower to the starting position. And don’t worry about adjusting your headband—it’s your rack that’s drawing stares.
3b. Seated Row
Sit on the platform and grab a wide-grip cable attachment with both hands. While keeping your back straight and your elbows pointed back, pull the attachment toward the center of your chest. Pause, then return to the starting position. Don’t give up now—your flat-chested dreams are almost realized!
CARDIO CLOSE-OUT: Stationary Bike
Warm up for five minutes. Then do this: Sprint all-out for 30 seconds, followed by 90 seconds of easy pedaling. Repeat five times and finish with five minutes of slow pedaling. Congratulations: Those unsightly guy-gourds should be gone in no time!