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The Slob's Guide To Fitness

Physical Therapy
David Swanson, Deputy Editor

Photographed for Maxim by John Loomis | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2014
$40 insurance co-pay per session
What it is: Um, it’s physical therapy. I tore my ACL and fractured my tibia, so after three months on crutches it was time to get back in fighting shape. That meant a series of torturous exercises that wouldn’t have had any of these other jerks breaking a sweat: balancing routines, leg presses, and playing with balls. No, really, lots of playing with balls.
Frequency: Twice a week at the clinic and another two or three times a week on my own.
Convenience: The frequency of my midday sessions made it convenient for me to come up with excuses for why my work wasn’t done.
Intensity: For an able-bodied young dude, it would have been a breeze. I am not that dude.
X-factor: The staff was super-nice, and my instructor, Kelly, and I had lots of good talks about music. But…there are a lot of old people in physical therapy. A lot.
Results: At the start I needed to wear my brace to and from work and use crutches or a cane. After a month or so, I’m off the brace and only use the cane to look fancy. 
But can you do it drunk? Every time.
Months it takes to recover from torn ACL: 9-18 (Adrian Peterson, nine) (Derrick Rose, 18)