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Can you Live on Beer and Nachos?

Our expert nutritionist says, “Are you serious?”

As anyone who’s ever survived spring break knows, the four staple food groups – the crunchy group, the cheesy group, the foamy group and the inebriating group – are all covered by beer and nachos. But could you live on it forever? According to Maxim’s favorite registered dietitian, Alyse Levine, the answer isn’t entirely encouraging. “I guess you could”, she says, shaking her head.  “But I’m sure your life would be cut by many years…”

On the positive side, beer does have some useful properties. “Beer is a good source of folate, niacin, magnesium and potassium”, she explains (all of that sounds totally poisonous to us, but apparently they’re good for you. Go, science!) “Beer and tortilla chips also both contain carbohydrates, which are a great source of energy. The refried beans have fiber and the cheese is full of protein.”

So far, so good – so what’s the downside? “Well, drinking heavily can lead to liver damage, cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis…” (she proceeds to list about 100 more reasons why drinking is bad for you, which we dutifully acknowledge while staring shamefully at the ten empty whiskey bottles on the next desk). “Nachos tend to be high in saturated fat. And the refried beans are cooked in lard, which is loaded in fat, as is the cheese.”

Dang. Not so good. Still not to be deterred (we really, really like beer and nachos) we asked what we could do to make the diet survivable. “Add guacamole and salsa to the nachos, add low-fat cheese (instead of, not as well as, regular cheese) and use baked chips instead of fried. And drink some 100% fruit juice on the side for extra nutrients.”

So there you have it. The beer and nacho diet: totally adequate so long as you order all the sides and have a glass of OJ now and again. Don’t thank us: it’s want we do, guys. It’s what we do.