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10 Grievances To Send To Al-Qaeda’s New Complaints Department

They’ve got a great HR department, too!


Photo: Rueters/ Landov | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013


Al-Qaeda’s Syria branch has gone and done a really nice thing -- they’ve created a complaints department! Now anyone in Syria can drop off a concern or grievance (with evidence!) at any Al-Qaeda headquarters they come across. So just in case you find yourself in Syria in the next few days, here are some notes you can leave!

1. The “hot dogs” on “hot dog day” in the cafe are really bratwursts. Not cool.

2. 
Can you leave the Al-Qaeda 401k program and roll your proceeds over into a private Roth IRA? Do you still get access to the same managed funds or do you have to transfer your money into a new investment pool?

3. 
Less shrapnel, please.

4. 
Really? I gotta come to work on Thanksgiving? REALLY?

5. 
 Is the PPO the only health program with a small out of network deductible? Because the out of pocket max on that one is pretty high and my GP doesn’t treat bullet holes.

6. 
No +1 at the Holiday party? $&#* you

7. 
The RPG requisition form is the same as the vacation form.

8. 
We have the worst suicide hotline.

9. 
Carl in accounting has BO bad.

10. Kosher lunch option?

Check out 
Inside the Navy SEALs' Hunt For Al Qaeda and don't forget to vote for your 2014 Hometown Hotties Champion!