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10 Movie Trailers to Sniff Glue To

No, we're not endorsing sniffing glue. But you may want to be somewhat chemically altered before trying to make sense of these film teasers. They're just that f$%*ed up.

 


10. Gooby (2009)
Ostensibly a kids movie, Gooby boasts a titular character more frightening than 20 Paranormal Activity trailers combined. Once he reveals himself (not the way you think, but still terrifying) around the 30-second mark, you'll find yourself crawling into a fetal position under your desk and mewing for mommy "to take the evil teddy bears away."


9. A Serious Man (2009)
Repetitive-to-the-point-of-causing-nausea sound effects, a completely random use of Jefferson Airplane's "Somebody to Love," weird characters you want to punch for some reason...yep, this is the most Coen Brothers-y trailer the Coens have ever produced.


8. Sssssss (1973)
Yep, that's the A-Team's Dirk Benedict screaming like a woman and slowly turning into a snake man. (Gah! Is that him slithering across the floor?!) We don't expect him to explain why there's another guy armed with a snake trying to sneak into his bedroom window, but maybe he can explain why the voice-over tells us, "Don't say it...HISS it." Uhhh, say what? Wait, we mean, hiss what?


7. The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)
Hey, remember when the Diceman got his own movie? And Vince Neil, Priscilla Presley and Wayne Newton were all in it? And it wasn't an hour-and-a-half-long dirty limerick? Yeah dude, that really happened.


6. G-Men From Hell (2000)
Five words: "Robert Goulet as The Devil."


5. Slugs (1988)
Soooooo many money shots in this horror cheapie, but our three favorites? The kid getting "dragged" into a lake by killer slugs, a mutated slug revealing its sharp teeth, and the doomed restaurant patron's exploding eyeball.


4. Clockwork Orange (1971)
Disturbing quick-cut imagery set to a weird synthesized version of the "William Tell Overture"? We've seen this movie a million times, and we're STILL confused as all hell by this teaser.


3. Vice Squad (1982)
Speaking of disturbing imagery, here we have a hitchhiking Superman, a geezer laughing uproariously after pretending to be dead in a coffin, a tattoo artist making a kissy face, a chick making out with a dog...and Wings Hauser. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!

2. The Secret of Magic Island
To paraphrase Dr. Peter Venkman, "Ducks and cats, riding hot air balloons together...MASS HYSTERIA!"


1. Zardoz (1973)
Three minutes of pure, nightmarish hell. But all you really need is the first 30 seconds, where a giant stone head barfs up guns and encourages its worshipers to go out and murder people. The rest of this extended trailer is an exercise in how NOT to encourage audiences to come see your weird post-apocalyptic sci-fi flick. You know you're in trouble when Sean Connery's orange man-thong is the LEAST ridiculous thing that appears on the screen.

 

BONUS GLUE SNIFF: Mac & Me (1988)
We're throwing this in just for Ronald McDonald's unnerving maniacal laugh at the 0:35 mark. Please, sir, just...just don't hurt the children.