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10 Reasons We Would Never Swim In This Terrifying East River Pool

For starters, because it's IN THE EAST RIVER.


Courtesy of +POOL


We've recently come across the Kickstarter page for +POOL, which is attempting to meet a $250K fundraising goal by July 12 in order to develop this completely fucking insane swimming pool in the middle of the East River. At present, +POOL is just about $100K shy of its goal, so depending on how many folks rally to contribute during the final days, this thing could actually come to fruition.

In short, the concept is to build a giant, floating water filtration system that would purify the river water, making it safe for people to swim in NYC river water for the first time in more than 100 years. Here's a video that explains it a little more:
 

 

Obviously, this whole thing is totally and utterly horrifying. Here are 10 reasons why you won't find us swimming in the +POOL, ever.
 

1) Did you see the three hipster kids who designed this thing in the video? I wouldn't trust them to walk my dog.
 

2) You know what sounds unpleasant? Soaking up some rays from the confines of a floating deathtrap, surrounded by gigantic oil barges and other boats that could take out the whole pool with no advance warning.

3) We don't even like the idea of going to a regular, land-locked New York City public pool, because where do you think a million homeless people pee and bathe? So why would we want to risk life and limb to do it in the middle of the city's collective cesspool/dead body dumping ground? No, thank you.

4) River water is cold as balls. Balls made of ice.

5) The only way to be 100% sure that you won't drown in the East River is to not go swimming in it.

6) As far as we can tell, there is no plan for a bar on this thing. So, just no.

7) This.

8) Eventually, the water filtration system is going to fail, and chances are no one will realize it until some poor kid grows a tail.

9) Sometimes an aircraft has to make an emergency landing on the river. There was that whole Miracle On The Hudson thing back in 2009, and then it happened again just the other day. You know what +POOL looks like? A giant, illuminated landing strip.

10) If the artist's rendering below is to be trusted, apparently there are whales roaming free in the waters that separate Manhattan from Brooklyn. WHALES. Need we say more?

 

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