We're halfway there! Here are items 51-100. (Read the first half of the list here.)
51. Combat Soldiers
When G.I. Joe is busy with human rights violation trails, it’s up to the farm team to help rid the world of terrorists.
52. Bath Glove
What a great invention! But how do you clean the gloved hand?
53. Vienna Bites
Vienna is the birthplace of Sigmund Freud and these tiny weiners. Thanks, Vienna! And thanks for the serving suggestion, Armour. We were going to eat them out of the Bath Glove.
54. The Hunchback of Notre Dame Cards
It’s been 16 years since Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame was in theaters. That means these cards are very, very valuable. Can’t believe we found them for only a dollar! For any card dealers out there, we’ll trade you our Laverne (Card #34) for $4,599.
55. Basketball Cards
Yep. They still make these. What a great expression on his face! He's so scared of his own talent.
56. Anastasia Cards
It’s only been 15 years since Anastasia was released, so these cards aren’t as valuable as the Hunchback pack. Also, no one remembers this movies because none of the characters said, “To infinity, Anastasia. And beyond!” We’ll sell the entire pack for a mere $90.
57. Glitter Phone Case
A smart phone won’t fit in this tiny case. That’s why we’re using it to hold condoms and our baby teeth.
58. Acid Rain
More like Ass-id Rain. Wait. That was mean. We haven’t even watched it yet. Apologies to the fine team who put this little bit of cinema together.
We appreciate the blunt names of generic products. The Gatorade flavor naming committee can learn a lot from this straightforwardness.
60. Safety Goggles
Safety first! Or, in this case, 60th.
61. Fun Guns
You can have hours and hours of fun dreaming up other ways you should have spent that dollar.
62. Lion Statue
This is amazing. It’s....there are no words. They should give this out at the Academy Awards.
63. Plastic Balloons
Back in the day, these were a staple of many Easter baskets and birthday parties. Now, the fumes of these plastic bubbles seem more dangerous than pure opium.
64. Rock Light
The solar powered rock light would be amazing, if only it worked. We still haven’t figured out how to turn it on. Still, an electric rock is way better than a stupid regular rock.
The socks are OK, but the photo on the package is worth 100 pennies. Not sure what this guy won, but he earned it. Way to go, Luke. We assume your name is Luke, Luke.
66. Boat Stickers
If there’s one thing kids love, it’s "laser" maritime stickers!
67. Mouse Pad Frame
Few things are as patriotic as this American Mouse Pad. Need a photo for this frame? Use the photo above and be ironic.
68. American Idol Cards
“Oh,” said everyone who ever received these cards as a gift.
69. Egg-Laying Frog
This item brought the entire office together as we gathered to watch the plastic frog lay rubbery eggs. And then it laid the fake eggs. And then everyone was disappointed. It was just like the time we all went to see Green Lantern in theaters.
70. myTunes Foam Earphone Covers
We get the red! You can have others, at 20-cents a pair.
71. Without Light DVD
According to the cover, “Without love there is only darkness.” Also according to the cover, the blind guy has a ninja sword. This could very well be the greatest movie of them all!
72. Little Girl Statue
Looking for a statue to collect the valuable dusts in your living room? This is the statue for you!
73. Air Horn
Yep! You too can be annoying for the price of one dollar! We’re using the air in this horn to fill up the balloons so when they pop, it will be even louder!
74. CD Case
Stop carrying your CDs around like a loser and use this handy carrying case! If you’re too young to know what CDs are, then you’re probably texting with Lisa right now and not really reading this at all.
75. Safety Reflector
Put this on your belt, and you’ll live forever!
It’s really a Sad-ddle. We feel bad that people actually buy these and display them proudly.
Now this is art! It’s more beautiful than a real eagle! Too bad we broke the wing mere seconds after the photo was taken. We just can’t have nice things.
With these shades, we’re ready for the beach. There’s just one thing missing...
79. Paper Watch
Don’t you dare sweat. It’ll ruin everything!!! Stop sweating!
80. Solcum and the Bandit Durango, by Jake Logan
Opening line: With her thick arms folded over her large bust, Madame Mustache stood in his way.
81. Glass Cupid Cube
82. Light Stand for Glass Cupid Cube
Holy crap! This is amazing! The light will shine through the Glass Cupid Cube and delight all who witness the beauty! The cube and stand were sold separately, which is a total ripoff. But when the stand and cube combine, you realize God exists.
Congrats! Your accomplishment is worth exactly one dollar.
84. Hula Girl
This is pure sex.
85. Macho After Shave
“Hey. How’s it going? Wanna kiss on the mouth? Of course you do...of course you do.” - the commercial for Macho that we just wrote.
86. Goofy String
Somewhat less desirable than name brand Silly String, but still better than Serious String.
87. Flower Picture
The glitter really brings out the other glitter.
88. Eye Mask
Now nothing can wake us up on our hot air balloon ride.
89. Magic Towel
It’s the damn Harry Potter of towels!
90. Meat Thermometer
Until we bought this, we thought a meat thermometer was a thermometer made of meat. [sigh]
91. Shoe Art
We know just the place for this! A wall!!!
92. Leopard Place Mat
Take this to the restaurant when you really want to impress. (Kids: Vertically, this makes some totally rad locker art!)
“Never trust a tripod from a dollar store.” - Ulysses S. Grant
OK fine. We were at the dollar store for over an hour, and got a little cranky. We needed a few more items to round out the list. So...here you go.
95. Managing Your Home Office CD-Rom
We get the feeling that this old disc shouldn’t be sold separately. It seems like it should be part of something else. It came in a crappy cardboard sleeve and smells like puzzles. We're calling the FBI to get to the bottom of this.
96. Super Glue
We need this to fix the crappy statues that we broke. And to lift our car.
97. Walrus Statue
When a piece of art speaks to you, you must listen. And this piece said, “Eh...why not?”
This only cost one penny! We didn’t realize that until after we checked out. We're thinking about going back to the store and filling up on these magnets! Meet us there in 20 minutes. Bring ten dollars and the biggest bag you have. Best of times, indeed.
99. Marshmallow Poles
According to the package, one serving is five poles. We could make a lewd joke here, but we’re taking the high road. [fart]
All that for $1? You can almost taste the savings! Wait, you can totally taste the savings!
And finally, here's a look at the grand total. (Taxes and the one-cent magnet prevented this from being exactly $100.)