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Funny

100 Worst Names for Kids

It’s not creative and arty if it makes us laugh.

Photo: Jeff Strauss / iStockPhoto | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

1. Rutherford

2. Apple

3. Floyd
(Unless you know for sure he’s going to be a fighter.)

4. Kermit

5. Nevaeh
(Yes, it’s “Heaven” spelled backwards....which means your child is anti-heaven, a.k.a. Hell. So just call her Hell. “Hell” is a cool name.)

6. Cinnamon

7. Dabney

8. Optimus

9. Thor

10. Moses

11. Delano

12. Abner

13. Sandwich

14. Balki

15. Renesmee

16. P.P.

17. Legolas

18. Typhoid

19. Adolph

20. New Cher

21. Tonto

22. Glenn
(Have you ever met a baby named Glenn? And yet there are adults named Glenn. What the hell?)

23. Spanky

24. Skrillex

25. Lt. Assblast

26. Soupy

27. Fitzgerald
(Unless it’s a girl, because then it’s adorable.)

28. Ulysses

29. Whisper

28. Six

30. Truman

31. Mercedes Benz

32. Baby

33. Bigsby

34. Elton

35. Constance

36. Kawn-stanz!

37. Ochocinco

38. Filthy Jonas

39. LOL

40. Rib Eye

41. Jennni

42. Jeniy

43. Jen-E

44. Jennyb
(silent B)

45. Cornelius

46. Ziggy

47. B.J.

48. Octopussy

49. Pinocchio

50. Jimminy

51. Hermione

52. Indiana
(It only worked once, and only because he was Han Solo)

53. Han

54. Velcro

55. Ke$ha

55. Piers

56. Morgan

57. Piers Morgan

58. Sweet Pea

59. Sweat Pea

60. Anakin

61. Isthmus

62. Fidel

63. Danthew

64. Flo

65. Ebenezer

66. Precious
(Name her “Push” instead.)

67. Kandy

68. Siobhan
(Because no one will ever know how to spell or pronounce it, including your child until he/she turns 12.)

69. Swerve

70. DMX

71. Poppy

72. Ernestine

73. Cherry

74. Emilio

75. Hollis

76. Kel

77. Mickey Rourke

78. Mavis

79. VH1 Presents

80. Goose

81. Katniss

82. Finger

83. Pooter

84. Zoo

85. Baxter

86. Pancreas

87. Dances With Wolves

88. Duck-Duck-William

89. Colon

90. Sassafras

91. Beulah  

92. Ralph
(but make everyone pronounce it weird)

93. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

92. C.C.C.C.C.C.

93. Jazzy

94. Jazzer

95. Jazzest

96. Caspert

97. Pinky

98. Otho

99. Milo

100. The Walrus